In Club TARDIS the drinks are not free

The wait is very nearly over. In three days the new series goes to air and a new era in Who is upon us. Before all that bollocks, here, in full glory, is the much anticipated and speculated upon redesigned of the TARDIS console room.

Never before has there been such a buzz or such a palpable sense of something spectacular brewing. Early rumours suggested a large set; the largest TARDIS yet, some were saying and most suggested a return to the hi-tech and even a reimagining of the clinical white classic console room.  As more details were released, it gradually emerged that the old Torchwood Hub would be converted into a vast tri-level space resplendent in copper, neon and orange that would have have cues to the classic sets but would immediately press the right buttons of the New-Who generation. Hmmmm, so far so good but as with anything that Ed Thomas does, I remained unconvinced.

In the end, we have something less prosaic than I had expected and certainly did fulfill the brief. Here's the skinny:

First impression was 'wow'. But that was quickly suffixed with 'that's very orange'.

Undoubtedly it's a spectacular design. It certainly has more texture and layers than the old set but the continued adherence to the orange and green neon colour scheme is not exactly something I wanted to see. I know why they did it: squint your eyes and it looks just the old set,  but I would have loved to see either a blue or a white schema. But small quibble. The architecture is phenomenal and really opens up the space for some amazing directorial showboating. The multiple levels add a depth and scale that was never really apparent in the old set and the cute little cues show some well thought out attention to detail, from the Brachacki style ceiling rose to the hat stand.

However, I have some issues. Firstly the console. It is a fucking mess. It is badly designed and is still made from junk. Given how nice and clean and downright designed the rest of the set is, the console is a cockup of cuntish proportions. It just does not fit. I honestly think a brand spanking new hi tech console would have been a perfect gift to the fans, new and old. I'm one of the generation that saw the new high tech console that Davison installed for the 5 Doctors. That moment was one that would stay with me forever. The wow factor was something that was palpable and enduring and it would have been nice if this generation of fans got something similar.

The other thing is that the overall effect is that of a high end London nightclub. You know the type of club: where you have to queue an hour to get into a half empty club, pay £20 entry if your name was on the guestlist and £10 a drink plus being harrassed for a pound by an African after going for a piss,  Replace the console with a hexagonal bar add a bull necked lunkhead and velvet ropes across the stairways and you get the idea. Kind of reminds me of the defunct Club CC in London from about 10 years ago. I hope that this lighting is only for the pics and will be toned down for the actual show.

What about Matt Smith? Personally I don't like him. He's a talentless dullard with all the charisma of a potato and a face made for radio. Nothing I've seen has made me change my mind. His turn in Vampires in Venice was excruciating to watch. Lines written for Tennant delivered by a buffoon channelling Mr Bean. It was like watching a student or fan film where a self conscious young anorak is trying desperately trying to pastiche 'The Doctor'.  This new series has me overwrought with ambivalence. On the one hand it has all the ingredients to make this season of Doctor Who the best yet: great writing, Stephen Moffatt and bigger budgets. But it appears to be wasted on a bargain basement Doctor whose only redeeming feature seems to be not being Patterson Joseph.

To quote the Bard,  "Angels and ministers of grace defend us"....

Scumbag Alert - Scificollector / Stamp Centre

As some of you have been aware, MFX have recently unloaded all their remaining sonic screwdrivers in a big white sale. This sale ended last week with Steve Schussmann aka Steve Scott aka Scificollector aka The Stamp Centre buying the remaining 50-60.

This nefarious profiteering chiselling bastard promptly put these things on sale at a whopping £300!

Yes, a whopping £50 more than MFX's RRP!!!!!!!!

How he expects customers to find that sort of money in the middle of recession when a) They were on sale for £175 + VAT + p&p only a couple of weeks ago and b) There are more accurate, better appointed and cheaper alternatives, is anyone's guess. But I digress.

This sort of behaviour is par for the course with a money grabbing cunt like Schussmann. Here's what he had to say about these accusations:

"Just wanted to clear up the story here.

We had traded the MFX replicas Sonics from late November and very popular they were too.

£250 is a lot of money, but what I dont think people realised is that these were made in the UK, not China. This is usually done to ensure very high Quality Control, but this is supposition on my part. It's easier to check progress, consistency and factory standards and work conditions when they're on your doorstep.

MFX had to take a decision recently to decide what to do with the remaining 60 or so Sonics in the run. Licences are usually of set duration and this is a considertion that every manufacturuer can have to make in the course of a products lifetime. Sometimes a Promotion reflects this need.

Some of you will be aware that MFX ran a 'Sale' that started a few weeks ago. We understandably had a number of calls from customers who had purchased from us at the £250 price feeling disappointed that their prize possession was not quite as prized as they had thought.

To cut a long story short we decided to purchase the entire remaining stock.

We have offered all our existing customers the chance to purchase it at £250 via a voucher for £50 that reduces the new price of £300 to £250 for a short window. I am perfectly happy to offer all readers here the same chance for a short period. To take advantage of this please call the shop and refer to this page, and we will honour the offer. It is also in the next DWM at £250 as copy went in some time ago, and WILL go up when the subsequent one is published if any stock remains.

The purpose of intervening in this way is to demonstrate that we took our customers concerns seriously. Instead of a product that appears temporarily devalued by a perfectly understandable short term sale, we have acted to ensure that the correct price is restored and that in a very short period it will actually be going up by 20% in value.

We sell roughly one a day so this should give readers a month to pick one up at the original RRP before the £300 kicks in everywhere and not just to those who find us on the web today. We are perfectly happy to sell out at £250, but we also wanted to be in a position to reward those customers who have 'invested ' in this item to see its value enhanced within a short space of time."

 

Ok, so the jist of this is that he's looking out for those customers who bought the things at £250. Er....ok. I imagine that the extra £50 he's making doesn't factor in at all to the equation. Why not just sell them at the original RRP and let market forces dictate the appreciation of the item? Afterall, they are now sold out, more or less.

 

The truth is, Schussmann is a greedy, conniving little scalper who is deliberately profiteering from the situation. I'm all for making a living. Hell, I like a bit of profit as muchas the next guy but there's a difference between honest profit and full scale profiteering. I am willing to bet that the wholesale price he paid for this last batch of sonics is substantially less than the orginal wholesale price back in November. Even by selling them for the RRP of £250 this fucker is still making more than he ever was per unit and by charging £300, he's taking the piss. The cunt is no better than a ticket tout.

 

I urge those that are considering buying one to refrain from doing so. You don't even have to buy one of mine. If you are intent on having an MFX, wait, wait and wait some more. Eventually Schussmann will have to discount these things. Don't fall for the trap of him offering you one for the RRP of £250. It's a con and he's not exactly doing you a favour for selling the thing to you at its original price. If MFX couldn't shift them all at £250, what hope does a bent Jewish stamp dealer have? He'll only inherit the same problem as MFX and eventually will end up having to discount them drastically just to be shot of them.

 

Make that happen. Decide with your wallet and send out a message that this kind of dodgy business practice is not acceptable.

A seriously Secsy Dalek

I'm a hard guy to impress but once in a blue moon something does make me suck in breath and make me wish I had made it. Such a moment occurred this week when I laid eyes on this staggering piece of engineering:

Yep, your eyes do not deceive you, this really is what it appears to be: a fully functional reveal Dalek Sec.

The guy who built this thing, Dave Duca, has gone balls out to engineer something that is as close to a real Dalek casing as you will hope to find outside of fiction.

Creating and engineering a reveal Dalek is impressive enough but actually making it functional with voice changer, swiveling mid section and functional eye stalk takes it into the realms of the seriously cool. Okay, so there are enough inaccuracies to keep the anoraks busy for a while but the overall effect is just jawdropping and for once, I don't give a fuck about minor details.

To see this thing in motion is sheer poetry. Here are some videos for you:

Dave, you are a truly talented guy and your Dalek Sec has given me a great deal of pleasure. I so want one.

Technical Problems

Just a heads up that we are currently experiencing technical issues with the site. Nothing sinister, just a small technical gremlin on the server end which my host is working on resolving. Please accept my apologies on this and we hope to be back up and running shortly. In the meantime, here's some music:

The charge of the shite brigade

This was posted yesterday on the Gallifrey Base forum by Gorton's loyal foot soldiers in defence of Neill Gorton's supposedly 'accurate' sonic screwdriver. Like the legendary light brigade, I applaud their bravery and belief although ultimately their efforts are futile and fly contrary to objective proof. (My response in Red)

The first is from Barry Jones at EFX:

"As Neill jumped in to confirm, the MFX Sonic Screwdriver is an EXACT COPY of "one" of the sonic screwdrivers used during series four. I have the pics and measurements to prove it. As Neill also pointed out, as is the norm, multiple versions of a prop exist on a show that's been in production for years and they all vary in little ways depending on who made them, and how closely they followed what went before.

So, yes, it is an EXACT COPY of a screen used prop, and to the 400 plus folks out there, including me, who own this marvelous piece of Who memorabilia, it's not a piece of junk. It's rather fantastic.

Barry"

 

Barry, are you some kind of blind fucking moron? I challenge you to prove what you wrote. You seem to forget, I too have measured the prop and have a complete set of plans, measurments and engineering drawings. There is no way IN HELL, that what MFX delivered is exactly the same as what was measured.

 

How do you explain the discrepancy in head window placement? Or the fact that the strut thickness is 2 thirds too thin???? Or the fact that the lens cap is totally the wrong shape and the emitter lip is the wrong shape? (amongst many other things). This is not imagined. This is FACT you dumb fucking shit. Don't insult my intelligence.

 

If you want to prove it, we can. Shall we send a copy of your original measurements of the prop that Neill pictured plus an MFX sonic to a trusted third party for impartial measurement? I am sure suitable trusted candidates can be identified.

 

If someone was to sue MFX, this whole matter can be proven once and for all. In fact, if anyone wants to sue MFX, I will fund the case.

 

 

David Howe, of 'Transcendental Toybox' fame also had this to add.

 

"Does anyone remember the Channel 4 show Manhattan Cable - presented by flame-haired temptress Laurie Pike ("Hair-Low, Aaaam Laaaaaurie Pike..." etc etc). There was one episode featuring clips from a New York cable show in which a crazy religious woman claimed the Pope had been assasinated and replaced by an imposter Pope. To back up her argument she used a series of photos taken from different angles, citing that you could tell the one on the right was an imposter because (at that angle) the nose looked two centimetres longer.....!

Ring any bells? (And I certainly hope she never got into prop collecting!)"

 

David, aside from the fact that a forty something year old man should really have something better to do than to play with toys,  an archetypal anorak like you should really have more of an eye for detail. I refer you to my answer to Barry above and to my previous posts. If you honestly think that I am misinterpreting photographic data, you must be an even bigger knobend that you appear (and from what I've seen you do come over as a total dildo). You cannot argue with side on photos on fucking graph paper!!!!!!

 

You may think photographic evidence is not compelling but I do. In your case, it's damning. As from whatever angle I look at you from, you're still a cunt. 

 

I find it quite amusing that Neill Gorton also claims that 'his' sonic was used for some of Tennant's publicity pics.  I only recall the spring loaded EFX sonic prototype actually being used for the last scene on Voyage of the Damned. The funny thing is, Gorton has yet to post proof of this rather bold statement. I say bold as:

a) I have seen pretty much every publicity shot released and I scrutinise them microscopically. I have yet to see a single shot of the MFX style sonic. Gorton has yet to post a pic of said publicity shots.

b) Tennant filmed his last shots and took his last publicity pics months in the early summer of 2009 and the fact that MFX's production sonics were not ready until Mid October, Gorton must have access to a real TARDIS! Even if Tennant did use one of Nick Robatto's 'prototypes', they are still original props made by the same prop maker as the original props, and as I have proven, they bear no real resemblance to the MFX travesties.

Our buddy Primrodo talks about multiple props and multiple makers. Actually, Justin, if you get with the program you will realise they claimed to have copied (or mostly claimed - the story shifts depending on how Gorton is feeling), a single Nick Robatto made hero prop. In any case, there were only ever two official on staff propmakers, Penny Howarth who made the original Season 1 prop and Nick Robatto who did the Tennant version remakes. (There was also a company that made resin duplicates for Season 1). Penny's work and Nick's work is very distinct but the dimensions and proportions remain generally consistent. Finishing and assembly accounts for the variations and none expalin the blatant liberties that MFX have taken with the dims on their replica. Kind of pisses on the notion that different makers account for the variations, doesn't it?  

How to get a screen accurate Sonic Screwdriver from MFX

Before I go on, I suggest you all read this: http://celestialtoystore.blogspot.com/2009/11/gorton-answers-questionsort-of-actually.html

As you can see, Gorton's own words have painted a staggeringly inconsistent and downright contradictory picture of the MFX sonic screwdriver.

These inconsistencies will come back to haunt him as I have identified that legally, MFX have painted themselves into a bit of a tricky corner. Let me elaborate on this.

Mfx have sold their sonic screwdriver as a totally screen accurate prop replica. They have claimed to have measured and replicated a single prop. This prop:

He states on his website "All the measurements, dimensions, materials and paints used are exact to the original filming prop used by David Tennant"

However, I have shown that this is utter rubbish as virtually no dimensions match. See here: http://celestialtoystore.blogspot.com/2009/10/analysis-of-mfx-sonic-screwdriver-and.html

Gorton has subsequently changed his story and stated that any differences in his version were down to there being several different props but he himself stated that he used a SINGLE prop for reference (the one above) ergo his replica should be identical as promised.

MFX have therefore contracted with you, the buyer, to supply a replica that is 100% identical to the prop above.

Furthermore, on their website, and on their current March Sale flyer, they post a picture of their prototype. This one (the top one):

A prototype that IS virtually identical to the prop but far from identical to the replica they actually have supplied. They have used a picture of a materially different item to that supplied as part of their sales description.

MFX have not only misrepresented their product in law, but also is in breach of the UK Sale of Goods Act 1979 S.13(1)

Section 13(1) provides that where the buyer is sold goods by description, the goods must correspond with this description.

Clearly, the goods supplied do not correspond with the description.

This is very, very easy to prove in court:

The above prop which they claim to have copied and an MFX replica should be compared and measured in court.

The sonic screwdriver used for the sales picture should also be compared also. I bet that this sonic too, would not be the same as the MFX replicas supplied to customers.

Under the law of misrepresentation (of which I am sure Neill Gorton is guilty of fraudulent misrepresentation), you can sue for either damages or you can have the contract rescinded. This really doesn't help you get a screen accurate sonic out of MFX. Indeed, Neill Gorton has magnanimously agreed to refund anyone who is unhappy with the accuracy of their sonic. A cop-out that avoids legal action and the prop and replica being measured in court, no doubt.

However, there is another way.

You start an action in the UK County Court and claim for breach of contract under the Sale of Goods Act 1979 S13(1) and having established the prop and the replica are substantially different, you request 'Specific Performance'.

Specific Performance is an equitable remedy in UK law that requires a party to perform what they were obliged to do under the contract. In this case, supply a screen accurate sonic as promised and as illustrated in the photo they showed.

Usually specific performance is quite difficult to get as a remedy as most contractual claims tend  to involve personal services or fungible goods (ie, goods that can be exchanged like-for-like on an open market). However, in this case the sonic screwdrivers that MFX are supplying are non-fungible in nature and also exhibit characteristics of being unique in character since they are only available from MFX. Therefore damages cannot adequately compensate since you cannot go and purchase another sonic screwdriver like it.

So there you have it. My advice, if you can be bothered, is to sue MFX on the grounds listed above and request specific performance.

Being the spineless chickenshit that he is, Neill Gorton will probably offer you a full refund. You should stick to your guns and refuse. Take the fucker to court and I guarantee you will win on the grounds stated. If anything, it will prove once and for all whether Neill's dimensions on his replica are all wrong.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Like a glutton for punishment, it appears that Neill Gorton is still in denial over the lack of accuracy of his sonic screwdriver despite the absolute objective proof being laid out here. This blind bearded wanker, supported by yet another blind bearded wanker (a 'Barry' from EFX) steadfastly adheres to the bullshit notion that the MFX is somehow 'screen accurate'. The fuck it is.

Tell you what Gorton, if you are so adamant of this, why don't you avail yourself of the comment box below, and SWEAR on the life of your unborn child that your sonic is an exact 1:1 replica of the prop?

You must think we are all stupid and blind. I have set out the objective facts. Any dickhead buyer of an MFX can take a pair of Verniers and see for themselves.

It amazes me what weak minded sheep Doctor Who fans can be. Just because you are told something you believe it. It's like that stupid myth that CO supplied their toys for use as props on the show. Despite every proof otherwise, the bullshit persists. Just like Neil claiming to have measured a prop and then duplicating it 100%. I'll say right now I don't think Neill measured the bloody prop at all. This is the prop alleged to have been copied and below is MFX's supposed identical copy.

They may look similar but if you happen to know the original prop like I do, you'd see that it's inaccurate in almost every single dimension.

Neill's apparent prototypes were the same as the prop. No question. That's because MFX didn't make them. Nick Robatto, the original propmaker, did. If you still have the prop Neill, why don't you show it off? In fact, how come that your website does not show one of your screwdrivers? The small, rather blurry picture on the MFX site is actually one of Robatto's. If MFX had it in their possession you'd think they would be keen to photgraph it in high res from every single angle and show it off to the world?

Those that still think it is accurate are fools. Sycophantic fuckwits who, like those who applauded the Emperor's new clothes, do so because they are weakminded yes men who allow themselves to be controlled by silly cunts who are after your hard earned cash.

Which brings me on to my next gripe....

What really fucking pisses me off is what a spineless bunch of fuckers some of you are. I know that there are a lot of you out there who agree with me. Hell, I know that there are some of you who already own an MFX and are not happy with it. Question for you then:

WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU GROW SOME GONADS AND ACTUALLY CALL THAT CUNT NEILL GORTON OUT ON IT??????

He cannot do anything. Why are you so afraid of doing so? Because you are afraid of confrontation? Or are you afraid that he might accuse you of being a CT supporter? Shouldn't basic truth, honesty and integrity be way more important than the feelings of a deluded idiot? That twat can't do a thing to you for pointing out objective truth.

We know the man lies. He has lied, still lies and will continue to lie yet because he happens to work on the show it seems to make it all ok. We know that the BBC took the licence from him because the sonic screwdriver was basically, crap, not that he surrendered it. Even those close to him have confirmed what a deluded prick he is.

I though about this long and hard and had decided against doing this but since Gorton is being such a cock, I'm going to reveal a legal way you can insist on Gorton actually delivering you a screen accurate Sonic. If he doesn't you, you can prove, in court, that his sonic is indeed as inaccurate as I have proven it is and force MFX to make you a new one. Stay tuned.