In Club TARDIS the drinks are not free

The wait is very nearly over. In three days the new series goes to air and a new era in Who is upon us. Before all that bollocks, here, in full glory, is the much anticipated and speculated upon redesigned of the TARDIS console room.

Never before has there been such a buzz or such a palpable sense of something spectacular brewing. Early rumours suggested a large set; the largest TARDIS yet, some were saying and most suggested a return to the hi-tech and even a reimagining of the clinical white classic console room.  As more details were released, it gradually emerged that the old Torchwood Hub would be converted into a vast tri-level space resplendent in copper, neon and orange that would have have cues to the classic sets but would immediately press the right buttons of the New-Who generation. Hmmmm, so far so good but as with anything that Ed Thomas does, I remained unconvinced.

In the end, we have something less prosaic than I had expected and certainly did fulfill the brief. Here's the skinny:

First impression was 'wow'. But that was quickly suffixed with 'that's very orange'.

Undoubtedly it's a spectacular design. It certainly has more texture and layers than the old set but the continued adherence to the orange and green neon colour scheme is not exactly something I wanted to see. I know why they did it: squint your eyes and it looks just the old set,  but I would have loved to see either a blue or a white schema. But small quibble. The architecture is phenomenal and really opens up the space for some amazing directorial showboating. The multiple levels add a depth and scale that was never really apparent in the old set and the cute little cues show some well thought out attention to detail, from the Brachacki style ceiling rose to the hat stand.

However, I have some issues. Firstly the console. It is a fucking mess. It is badly designed and is still made from junk. Given how nice and clean and downright designed the rest of the set is, the console is a cockup of cuntish proportions. It just does not fit. I honestly think a brand spanking new hi tech console would have been a perfect gift to the fans, new and old. I'm one of the generation that saw the new high tech console that Davison installed for the 5 Doctors. That moment was one that would stay with me forever. The wow factor was something that was palpable and enduring and it would have been nice if this generation of fans got something similar.

The other thing is that the overall effect is that of a high end London nightclub. You know the type of club: where you have to queue an hour to get into a half empty club, pay £20 entry if your name was on the guestlist and £10 a drink plus being harrassed for a pound by an African after going for a piss,  Replace the console with a hexagonal bar add a bull necked lunkhead and velvet ropes across the stairways and you get the idea. Kind of reminds me of the defunct Club CC in London from about 10 years ago. I hope that this lighting is only for the pics and will be toned down for the actual show.

What about Matt Smith? Personally I don't like him. He's a talentless dullard with all the charisma of a potato and a face made for radio. Nothing I've seen has made me change my mind. His turn in Vampires in Venice was excruciating to watch. Lines written for Tennant delivered by a buffoon channelling Mr Bean. It was like watching a student or fan film where a self conscious young anorak is trying desperately trying to pastiche 'The Doctor'.  This new series has me overwrought with ambivalence. On the one hand it has all the ingredients to make this season of Doctor Who the best yet: great writing, Stephen Moffatt and bigger budgets. But it appears to be wasted on a bargain basement Doctor whose only redeeming feature seems to be not being Patterson Joseph.

To quote the Bard,  "Angels and ministers of grace defend us"....