Trash talk Part 1

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Once a cunt, always a cunt

Retirement can be both a bane and a boon. In many ways I'm enjoying not having to deal with the toxic fuckery that is Doctor Who fandom and concentrating on both my physical and mental health as well as more befitting pursuits such as golf or tiddlywinks. So imagine my exasperated ire when I get a text this morning, whilst on the throne flicking through the latest issue of Golf Wanker Monthly, that alerted me to a matter that directly affects me. Just when I think I'm done with this fucked up band of choad crunchers of Doctor Who fandom, I'm dragged straight back into it and it fucking annoys the living shit out of me.

You see, in a fandom that is mired in toxic cuntery, there exist certain cunts that are so heinously toxic, they can only be refered to as being the 'creme de la cunt'. Such is the person I want to rant about today. You see, this wanker, a parasitic shitstain on the arse of Doctor Who fandom, is a former 'curator' of the Doctor Who exhibition, a position he has notoriously used to nefariously fill his boots with costumes and props over the years. This cunt recently displayed a costume at a convention and when asked, claimed to have bought it from me. Here's the costume in question:

As some of you know, I also own a complete Tennant blue suit costume and have done for the best part of a decade. I can categorically state that this individual, let's call him A,  does not possess my costume nor have I ever had any dealings or contact with him ever. My costume, the very first one made and one of only two, is still very much in my possession as can be seen here:

I cannot conclusively say why this festering little fucknut has said that he got his from me, but knowing what I know about him, I can only speculate that, yet again, he obtained his costume through less than kosher means, and probably used his position to squirrel this into his possession, praying to god that I don't find out. Well I have and that thieving cunt A had better have a fucking good explanation because if he doesn't, he's just stapled his cock to his balls. 

Introducing… The Reference Edition

Well, here we are—winter has turned to spring, and the release of the Celestial Toystore Reference Edition Sonic Screwdriver is getting closer and closer. We’re excited to share what we’ve been working on with you, and we know you’re even more excited to get the replicas in your hands. (We know your hands are safer than the average actor’s!)

Since we announced this little project, people have—quite fairly—been asking what exactly is up with the Reference Edition and how it compares to the Ultimate Edition and other replicas on the market. So let’s clear up some of those questions. :)

To put it flatly: this is a prop, not a replica. It is a third filming prop—a brother to the two that Tennant wafted around in 2009. Whereas the UE and other replicas have all engaged in some idealising, strengthening, and general artistic license to fill in some of the smaller unknowns, the Reference Edition does not.

So, what does this mean, you ask? It means that every detail has been painstakingly recreated to deliver a product that both looks and feels like the prop Tennant and Smith had in hand. It’s had some dimensional and detail refinements over the UE, it’s lighter, a bit more wobbly, and would generally be recognised by either actor as “that’s the prop I held,” not “that’s a nice replica.” We want to give you the experience of holding and owning THE actual filming prop here.

Just to whet your appetites, here are a few of the details we’ve been fixating on:

• A simple acrylic internal chassis, allowing construction in a way that’s identical to the original prop.

• Dimensional refinements compared to the UE, particularly around the emitter head, where a new manufacturing process has allowed us to more accurately replicate incredibly obscure details that no other replica has ever managed perfectly, even the UE.

• Paint Pantone-matched to the original prop grey, featuring a more accurate, uniform finish than the technique used on the UE. (And no—the prop was never, and has NEVER been, any shade of yellow or olive!)

• Dimensions that are carefully calibrated to account for paint thickness and the increasingly uneven sanding and refinishing on the original prop, replicating the actual metal, not years worth of grime and jelly-bubbled infill.

• A specially re-manufactured MAGLITE carry case, mimicking exactly how the original props were stored and protected.

Of these details, it’s actually the MAGLITE case that has us the most excited. The Celestial Toystore has always been known for pushing the boundaries, and creating the most accurate replica ever—packaged in what is effectively a behind-the-scenes-accurate case—is an utterly unique offering that nobody has ever attempted. Even if it adds a lot of work to our plate!

To dispel any further confusion, the RE is a Series Four ‘B-Prop’ replica. This was the prop that CT took reference from—including scans and extensive images—as soon as filming was finished with it on The Eleventh Hour. It was originally made out of parts from the Cream Aztec, given to Eccleston in 2005. The prop has changed hands since and been scanned again (we’re aware), but our reference comes from a much earlier point in the prop’s lifetime.

For the record - just because we're making a 'prop' here, that doesn't mean that we’re going to give you a scratched, dinged, or broken product. We’re specifically interested in recreating the prop in acceptable condition, and that means that there is a degree of license in what details we incorporate from which period of the prop's filming tenure over 2007, 2008 and 2009. This should dispel any direct comparisons people might want to make against other replicas out there, and stop you from being worried that we'll be taking a sledgehammer and wire brush to each emitter head. We have no interest in slagging off any other attempts to replicate this prop—we’re solely focused on making the RE as good as any replica can reasonably be.

That said, if you want to scratch and ding it up yourself… go ahead! Send us pictures—we’d love to see what you do with it.

After extensive prototyping and testing, parts for the first batch of REs are now on the way—so expect photos soon. In the meantime, here are a few glimpses of our prototype to whet your appetite!

Episode 2 - The Toystore Awakens

Hello everybody!

2025 is now well underway and has already been a shock to all of our systems - Donald Trump became president again, China schooled the US on how to make an AI, Doctor Who has been cancelled for at least the rest of the decade... and now, most importantly of all, the Celestial Toystore is back. Sort of.  This undoubtedly restores order to a market that has been too long without somebody striving for excellence, too long without somebody that is willing to put in the hours to make the finest, most accurate prop replicas ever seen... all without driving the price up to a grand per screwdriver and whilst still creating products that are robust, sought-after, and withstand the test of time.

Yes, the Celestial Toystore may have come back with a few changes, but in the words of the nepotistic offspring of the famous Hollywood film director, Robert Downey Senior, "new mask, same task".

So what exactly is up with this new mask? We're sure you're all desperate to know.

Discussions about getting the Celestial Toystore started again began roughly two years ago. At this point CT was very much out of the Doctor Who replica business, working in the Hollywood film industry and generally enjoying life, building his supercar and watch collection and travelling the world being a nuisance to Michelin starred chefs and Rolex authorised dealers. Whilst he still had some of his legendary Matt Smith sonic screwdrivers in stock, these orders were fulfilled mainly by the long suffering former CT2 and occassionally CT himself when he had the time. This all changed when over a discussion of bent prop masters and fickle art directors, CT sighed, sipped a Pepsi Max and casually called onto his laptop screen the sheer amount of reference he had on original movie props and in particular. sonic screwdriver props. This was stuff well beyond anything he'd discussed before and included, but was not limited to, the original props themselve that were carefully archived in CT'S office, scans of the props, a library of reference images never publicly seen, micron-accurate measurements taken with calipers, non-shrink ultracal castings, and original documentation from the prop makers on the show, going right back to 2003. Or in the case, of the Classic sonic, some DIABOLICAL reference stretching as far back as the 1960s. This hoard is something that other replica makers can only dream of glimpsing, and can never be faked no matter how many screen grabs one measures nor how much research one does.

Needless to say, CT didn't notice that my jaw had just dropped to the floor.

Fast forward to last autumn. CT's health had taken a turn for the worse and I had regularly kicked around the idea of re-starting the Toystore in some form but it was always a bit of a non-starter. He was too busy, and I was too busy and we needed more than one man to do it. That's the way life goes. But then CT pitched me an idea of using his contacts in the film industry. CT would bring together a new team to purchase the site from him. This group of highly experienced industry-leading prop makers would all lend a hand in the construction of the new CT products, using their combined network of industry contacts and I could focus on other aspects of the business. CT would help get things going and then take a backseat and enjoy his well earnt retirement. Consider it a wheel and spoke model - the Celestial Toystore is the centre of the wheel, but now we have enough spokes that the wheel can turn like it needs to.

But what does this mean for YOU, our dear consumers?

The simple answer is... nothing. As far as you are concerned nothing will change. Once again the Celestial Toystore will be producing the most desirable replicas money can buy, and it doesn't matter one jot to you how our replicas get there. The fact that each one will now be passing through six pairs of award-winning prop maker hands, rather than just one, will have no tangible impact on our products. This is still the Celestial Toystore.

How involved will the original CT be, you ask?

We understand the concern. Whilst we're excited to re-open our little shop, it's CT himself that makes us different to a normal group of makers who set up some machines in their garage and get building. CT was trained as an engineer, and for the early part of his career he was an intrepid explorer, forging those links and gathering that reference that made his props unique. Most of all, it was his infuriating drive for perfection that truly elevated the screwdriver game and created the market that we currently have.

Well the answer there is, again, good. Whilst the original CT has retired from active duties with the store, he is still very much present behind the scenes, and in fact we share a desk. Every time he tries to eat one of my chocolate buttons I hit him with my fly swat and he cries. Rest assured that the Celestial Toystore is still using the original CT archives, backed by the original factories and workshops as the original CT runs, and still retains the original CT himself to provide his eye and expertise. Think of him like Pei Mei in Kill Bill - helping, instructing, and often very angry.

So all that said, what have you, lucky consumers, got to look forward to this year?

The first release under the new banner will be the incredibly exciting REFERENCE EDITION 10th Doctor Sonic Screwdriver. This will be a no-punches-pulled museum quality recreation of the original 'B' prop used up until the 11th Hour, warts included. CT's original UE is still a perfect replica, but it is also idealized as a hybrid of the two filming props, details harmonised to balance it out and strengthen it for the general consumer. The Reference Edition is our response to a changing market and increasing competition from other makers who, in all fairness, have released some decent efforts. This, however, will be the final line in accuracy - a full internal and external carbon copy of the prop as it was when CT first got his hands on it back in 2011.

The second release will be the long-awaited CLASSIC SERIES SONIC SCREWDRIVER. This was a project long-fabled during the original CT tenure, but it never entered production. Though makers today would have you think that all reference of the original prop was lost and one must now peer through foggy lenses at blurry screen grabs to recreate the details, this is absolutely not the case. Nearly twenty years ago CT began collecting reference for his replica from places other makers have hitherto not come within leagues of, including, but not limited to, original material from the workshop of Tony Dunsterville, the man who made the original prop back in the 1960s and famously told other researchers to bugger off when they approached him. Luckily, before his death one of the new CT team, someone who had known and worked with Mr Dunsterville back in the early 80s, managed to spend some time with him and managed to question him on his work, including the Thunderbirds gig. This was transcribed and formed the basis of the research CT collected on the Classic sonic. Research that is only now being put to use. 

So sit back, relax, and start dreaming about what is coming. The Reference Edition is already available for pre-order and construction shall begin soon - we can't wait to show you what we've got cooking.

In the meantime, if you would like to reach out to The Celestial Toystore, please use thecelestialtoymaker2@gmail.com as your first port of call. It may be that we redirect some enquiries to the original CT, but day-to-day communication will now be handled by this email address.

Thank you, and here's to an exciting new year...

It's the end....but the moment has been prepared for

Well hello....it's been a while hasn't it? By my reckoning it's been over a decade since I last posted here. Hasn't time flown? The last time I interacted with some of you, your balls hadn't dropped and you were still living at home with mum and dad. In fact, some of you probably still are but snarky digs aside, you've proven me wrong and reached adulthood and in doing so I do hope that many of you have achieved some success and happiness in life.

The reason I'm here is really rather bittersweet and in many ways I wanted to just fade away into obscurity, without fanfare or fuss. The world has changed and it is a rather different, harsher and more unpleasant place than it was when I first embarked upon this little caper all those years ago. The increasing toxicity and mindless cuntery of a number of 'fans' has soured this world for me. I've concentrated on my career in the film industry, which has proven to be very fulfilling financially and creatively, and I've gradually lost interest in the stupid politics of knowledge guardianship and juvenile one-upsmanship games that certain neurodivergent fisters in the fanboy community still continue to play. Together with the way that Doctor Who has developed post Peter Capaldi where diversity hires such as Jodie Fucking Whitaker and Ncuti Touch Grass Gatwa have sucked out the very essence of the show I have loved for the last half century, I've decided to walk away. It was an easy decision that I've taken for both mental and physical health reasons.

My original plan was to retire once all remaining stock of my 11th doctor sonics were sold and close the online store permanently. However, late last year I was approached by a group of colleagues in the film industry with a view to continuing The Celestial Toystore under new stewardship. We thrashed out a deal and I've signed over The Celestial Toystore to the next generation of maverick replica propmakers. Trust me when I say that the Toystore will be in very good hands. We have Emmy awards winners, Bafta and Oscar nominees and veterans that have lineage to both the classic and revival series of Doctor Who. Combined with access to my extensive private archive of original props, costumes and reference material I believe the Continuation Celestial Toystore has a potent future. The first release under the new guard will be a museum quality Reference Edition of the 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver that has direct lineage to the original through the machinists hired by Aztec to build the original prop and its refitted versions. Following this, there will be a release of the Fourth Doctor's classic sonic that uses private reference and an interview with the late Tony Dunsterville, the original maker of the prop and a personal friend of one the new CT team. The result will be nothing short of spectacular and will mark the first time a truly accurate recreation of this legendary prop has ever been made available to the fans. 

So that's that. I hand you over to CT2. Thank all of you for your support over the last 16 or 17 years. It has been a pleasure and at times a fucking pain in the arse. I shall still be around during the transition period over the next few months but I will become less and less involved as I slowly slide into my well earnt retirement. 

In the immortal final words of the fourth Doctor: "It's the end....but the moment has been prepared for"

Adios amigos!

Hustling and how not to fuck it up

As some of you know all too well, I have the distinct luxury of being able to pick and choose my who I do and who I don't do business with. There is a certain liberating comfort knowing that my products usually end up in the hands of those that appreciate them and not in the hands of utter wankers. To this end I operate a list of persons that for various good reasons, I wouldn't even piss on if they were on fire let alone take their money for one of my products. One such raging douchebag is a reprehensible little shit called Daniel Simmonds. A little back story if I may, to fill in why this prick ended up on my shit list. A few years ago, this individual ordered several items from me but I was then contacted on several occasions by his mother Adrienne explaining how this spoilt and over-entitled brat had hacked her Paypal and email and using her stolen details, made these purchases. Obviously, being the type of chap I am, I cancelled these orders yet this nasty, thieving shit refused to take no for an answer and continued to try and obtain these items despite being rumbled and even on one occasion, impersonating his mother using her hacked email address and stealing her credit card to set up a duplicate Paypal account. If there's one thing that winds me up it's badly behaved fuckers who steal from their parents thinking it's their god given right to have nice stuff.  (If anyone can be bothered I have the original emails detailing all of this so if he denies it, I'll just go public with those too, I don't give two fucks).

Fast forward 4 years and it would appear that not only has Simmonds grown up, he's graduated into conning other Doctor Who fans. Let me give you a quick run down of his current shenanigans.

He recently posted the following ad on a Facebook Doctor Who group:

One of my extensive network of trusted friends that keep an eye on these things for me thought the whole thing smelt 'wrong'. For a start, Simmonds isn't what you call bright. He has this sociopathic tendency towards economy with the truth and spins a rather fantastical yarn in order to try and con the maximum cash from said lies. Case in point is with the 11th Doctor sonic here:

The picture he then posts my chap are of a slightly different sonic to the one he advertised on the board. The latest pics shows a grip that has a larger screw hole in the white handle like the latest production Rubbertoe sonics and now apparently it has parts from a screen used sonic on it! (In case that was lost on some of you, I'm currently rolling my eyes and I have developed an itchy rash on my chin). Now, for a start I happen to know that the parts in question have not been swapped out and are still on the original S5 sonics. Even if they weren't he'd need the collusion of Nick Robatto and Nick is not that stupid. Simmonds has replicated said features from knowledge that is already in the public domain and he's using this to fraudulently bump up the price. Which is kind of funny as the other guy 'Dominic' that Simmonds refers to is also one of my friends and he was never told about the screen used Frankensonic nature of this sonic and indeed, Simmonds quoted him a lower price. Go figure.

But it gets worse...in a separate conversation with 'Dominic' to buy the pictured Ultimate Edition 10th sonic a whole new web of deceit has been spun. Consider the following:

Not only has he now concocted a story about how Nick Robatto has repainted one of my Ultimate Edition 10th Doctor sonics, he's now turned it into one of his 'prototypes' and Simmonds wants £1250 more than it originally cost! Now I'm not going to accuse Nick of any wrongdoing here. Far from it, I don't think Nick would go anywhere near one of my sonics for obvious reasons let alone collude with a lying psychopathic cunt like Simmonds. Simmonds is using Nick's name as a convincer to basically add value to a sonic he's tinkered with himself and if I was Nick, I'd be fucking furious. 

So what is the lesson here? Basically, don't try and hustle in a market place where I have eyes and ears everywhere. There is a lot of loyalty and a lot of love for me in this hobby but I like to keep it on the down low as it serves my needs. If you try and pull a fast one, the chances are I will know about it within minutes and I will make you look stupid. If you are still hell bent on going for the con, do it in intelligently and with style. Simmond's attempt at being a Jewish Frank Abagnale just makes him look like an inept bunglecunt. For the rest of you readers...if you are looking to buy anything from this piece of shit, take everything with a healthy pinch of kosher salt. 

A new beginning.......

As another year fades into history and before the new one begins in earnest, let me wish all my readers, customers and followers the very best for the coming year. I know, it's a bit late but I've been a bit busy here in China setting up some amazing things for you all this coming year so bear with me.

2013 was an eventful one marked by quite profound change both on a global scale and on a personal one for me since it's really been the first year I've thoroughly enjoyed myself doing what I do best and finally garnering some small degree of acceptance that has allowed me to settle within a comfortable niche within this field. 

2013 was the year many talented makers have fallen by the wayside, victims of the insidious march of 3D printing, recasting and disillusionment whilst others have sprung up in their place.

The industry itself has changed, fuelled again by the increasing use of 3D printing and the cartel like grip some makers have on the cool shit we see onscreen but change is good as it fuels some really ingenious new techniques and use of materials. I've certainly learnt my fair share and hopefully, when some of my stuff hits the big screen in the summer, we'll see how successful me and my team of CTs have been.

The past year saw me finally finish my 11th doctor sonic build. Just in time for the 11th Doctor to mercifully leave our screens and a new one in the form of Paul Smith model extraordinaire, Peter 'I'll fucking stab ye' Capaldi. Oh well, can't rush perfection. It took 3 years but I finally got there.

2013 was also the year that the hobby of props has seen a real sea change, both for good and for bad. The RPF, that old go-to, has contracted the online equivalent of AIDS and is about to go full-blown. The days where the hobby was driven by the pro's helping out a few skilled amateurs to recreate the icons they saw on screen was finally are well and truly consigned to history. Instead, the hobby has been replaced with an almighty clusterfuck which is all the doing of a single clueless inbred imbecile called Art Andrews. His vanity, boundless stupidity and complete failure to grasp the fundamentals of human interaction has led him on an ill conceived quest to own the hobby. He wants to package the hobby, the content and the members, skull fuck them into brain dead submission using fear and fake beneficence then use that as a commodity on which to sell advertising. 

However, the game is up. He has been rumbled, his stranglehold is broken and despite trying to silence the dissenters through bans, social media ignore buttons and good old fashioned fingers in the ears, his little empire is crumbling. The spate of bannings in the past week will mark the moment the castle walls cracked. High profile, respected members of the prop world and of the wider fandom have been summarily banned just because they associated with people outside The RPF than Art deems a danger to him. These are people, like myself, you just don't make enemies of. The disgust that these bannings have had have reverberated throughout the community. People are renouncing their RPF memberships, getting themselves banned and just leaving the place in support of those banned. This exodus is terminal and palpable. One look at the RPF compared to even 5 years ago will show a huge decline in quality of posting, sharing, camaraderie and overall activity. Those that made the original RPF what it was have long gone and instead Artis oversees a shitpit of kids, scammers and general fucktards. In fact, the natural habitat of cunts like Risu. 

Art's enemies are circling, they have rallied against him and they have put aside their enmities to unite to save this hobby of our's against a greedy psychopathic tyrant who wants to own it.

To this end, I'm going to be doing something a little different this year with this blog. Instead of it being exclusively my own rantings and mad raving, I'll be offering this blog to you guys as a venting outlet and will be featuring guest bloggers throughout the year to talk about not just Who props, but props, fandom and life in general. You'll have a treat as there are some great writers lined up, some which you'll know already and some you'll get to know.

So as 2014 finally gets underway let's pause and reflect on what has gone, the propmakers who are with us, and some not with us, and some looking down on us, and look forward to the changes that will come. Some people will look forward to these more than others but this year will undoubtedly be memorable. Happy 2014 everyone.