Secrets of the Aztec

My word, hasn't time flown since my last entry? The summer sun has packed its bags and fucked off south for the winter and SDCC is all but a distant memory. I'm sorry I've left it so long to update this blog but to be honest, I've had so much to do what with developing new products and my day job, something had to give and blogging was one of the things that has fallen by the wayside in favour of more prosaic pursuits such as family, job and finishing some of the products I've been promising you all. Truth be known, blogging is something I thoroughly enjoy but I'll only do it if I have something worthwhile to say. And boy, do I have something to say....

Some of you will have seen the new entries I have put on my site regarding three new sonics. You will note that the Matt Smith sonic isn't on there...yet. There is a perfectly good reason for this and it is something I have alluded to for some time. The design is flawed. Seriously flawed. Fatally flawed I would go so far to say. Getting a 100% accurate replica is not a massive issue. I have pretty much got that licked. The problem is that the prop breaks too damn easily. Flicking it open a few times is enough to generate enough shearing force to snap the internal metal guide tube and fracture the acrylic. Unless I sell it with a full time prop wrangler and ample spare parts, this is not a usable replica  and if it isn't, where's the fun? The other reason is it's not good PR to have 99%+ of your sales return, kaput, within a few days of delivery. No sir, I don't like it! So, I am redesigning it internally with the aim of engineering out this fatal flaw and as soon as it is done, you will get it. It will happen but just not this year. I see early next as the date when I finally get this thing out.

In the interim, we have 2 and a half new sonics to satisfy the sonic fix you may be craving. Today I'm going to talk about the first of these: The hero sonic used by Eccleston in Season 1 and on and off by Tennant until the Season 3 refit, 'The Aztec'.

Little is really known about the Aztec and there has been a lot of myth that surrounds the original Season 1 prop. I had the pleasure of measuring one of the Season 1 props: the 'wide slider' version that featured the 0.25mm step below the struts but this version, although able to extend, was not really considered a 'hero' prop as such as it was quite battered and had to be held in such a way as to hide the 8mm wide slot in the body. The honour of being main 'hero' prop fell to one of two props made by a British prop house called 'Aztec'. These are interesting props for a variety of reasons and I felt that that given the amount of screen time they had, they deserved to be considered the definitive Season 1 sonic. Some interesting facts about these sonics:

1) They were made from metal: despite popular myth perpetuating the fact they were made from resin, very few of the props with the exception of the 'burnt' sonics were. They were CNC machined out of aluminium and were built to a high standard. Such was the quality of these props that the heads were salvaged and used on subsequent refits including Tennant's sonic.

2) The paint was Plastikote Crackle Touch Colony Cream: Yes, you heard it correctly. This was something that I posted earlier this year but Plastikote Colony Cream crackle was the correct paint used on this sonic. Don't believe me? Check these pics out:

3) The prop was non-static: There is a misconception that the Aztec props were static which from the pics above, you can see is not true. The reason behind this commonly held notion is quite interesting. The Aztec sonics, whilst able to extend, did not extend in quite the same way as the other props as can be evidenced by the lack of a slider slot. You actually had to pull the head out by hand. Now here's where it get interesting. The head/battery tube assembly was never fixed inside the body and was joined to the fixed button on the side by the connecting wire and theoretically could be pulled straight out, hence the probable origin of this prop's mythical fragility. It was never designed to be a working slider prop but merely a prop that could be fixed at whatever point of extension the shot demanded at the time. This was achieved via a screw on the reverse that served to not only hold the upper collar in place, but also fixed the degree of extension that was required. A good shot of this screw can be seen here:

In order to create a working version of this prop, I've therefore had to compromise slightly and redesigned the prop to incorporate a working slider function by way of a slider slot. In time there will be a non-slider version, but that will be for my universal remote control version.

I'm only going to be producing a few dozen of these at most so if you want one, get in quick as I won't be making any more. I'm finishing the prototyping in the next week or two so as soon as pics go up, the order book will open. It will be highly doubtful they will be ready this side of Xmas but if you order, you'll get a gift certificate or something that will guarantee your sonic (I'm still working out how to do this, but don't worry, I'll figure it out soon).

Sorry this is so brief, but I promise the next blog will be a few hours away as I don't intend to leave it so long next time!

Hello my scrumptious little beauty!

After the unpleasantness of the past few days I feel that a little change of pace is called for. What better antidote for the nasty aftertaste of a licensee's bullshit than a refreshing little preview of good things to come?

Those of you that follow my tweets on Twitter will know that I happened to enjoy this season's story 'The Doctor's Wife' immensely. Written by the brilliant scribe Neil Gaiman, I even went so far as to say it was probably my favourite Nu-Who moment meshing a cracking story with new and classic elements in a respectful melange of Doctor Who deliciousness. If this story was a meal, then it was roasted hog cheeks served in a sourdough boule.

Amongst the highlights of this wonderful yarn (and there were many) was the reappearance of the Timelord Emergency Messaging Cube first seen in the 1966 Story 'The War Games'. Now reinvented for the 21st century with a flashy new updated design, this is a prop that immediately captured my imagination and set my mind buzzing with the possibilities of creating something that aped the onscreen design not just in aesthetic sensibility, but also in function.

Allow me to therefore present The Celestial Toystore's Timelord Emergency Messaging Cube:

Nice isn't it? It's made from custom milled plexiglas, glass, and white styrene with custom electronics. There is a 10 second voice record function and motion activated light and sound playback. Invert to turn off, turn it over again to turn it back on. Playback causes to the light to flicker but I want to remove that function because it does not behave like that on screen. When still, the cube gently pulsates. Power lasts for up to 1 week on one set of batteries and the unit is invisibly sealed with access to the inner cube only required to re-record the message or change batteries.

Pricing is currently still being worked out as plexiglas this thick is not cheap so much 'negotiation' with my bastard materials suppliers is currently taking place. I aim to bring this item in at a price of around £120-£130 excluding shipping with order book opening in the next month or so.

Fear does not exist in this dojo....No sensei!

It's been an interesting few hours. I'm going to try hard not to take too much pleasure from this as I hate being subjected to grovelling from a grown man. It appears that 2000 years of Chinese military thinking has been brought down full force on the ego of a little man who decided it may be a good idea to stick his penis into the gloryhole of the RPF with little idea that a Chinaman with a George Foreman grill was waiting for him on the other side. Going from not wanting to talk about CT or anyone even mentioning CT, he can't stop talking about me! Gee, I'm flattered. This has obviously got to Michael Bauers since he erased the QMx sonic thread a few hours ago and has now reinstated it with Kenney's responses removed. But he persists...everyone likes a tryer, me included, but show a bit of dignity for fuck's sake. I didn't expect it to this easy. Even MFX put up more of a fight. I'm not going to waffle on as I'll let the master do that. Here's the latest straight from the desk of Kenney Palkow (My response in RED):

"CT.... I replied to the above but the postings were all deleted. So, I will resound here one last time before it gets deleted again. I tried to post on your blog using one of the accounts needed and it will not post or preview.

There's always email through my site.

You're very set on the notion that I was talking about you. I want to again say that I was not talking about you! I didn't even know who you were or anything about you. The entire reason for me getting involved with any discussion was to set some people and some facts straight about the QMx sonics that I would be making. when I was talking about how some companies will say anything to make the sale... that was intended for someone else and they know who they are. It had nothing to do with you.... why would it? At that time, I was under the impression that you never saw the originals and even stated that on your site as well as that your sonics are not accurate. So why would I crack on you about accuracy. It wasn't until after you mentioned to me that you did see the originals and then provided a link to that post stating so. That's the truth. I apologized for the "China" comment a couple of times already even though it was misread. I looked at my post with that in it and realized how that could be mistaken and I apologized. As for apologizing for anything else? I will not because it wasn't directed at you. You keep saying that there was no one else producing the sonics so it must have been you. Gee, you are a long winded, boring fellow aren't you? You insulted me, you refered to me, it was me you were talking about. You have more reverse gears than an Italian tank! I have had many, many private letters of support where your comments were construed as being a direct attack on me even though you never refered to me by name. You don't need to. If I said 'A balding, self aggrandizing, knife wielding deadhead bore from Pennsylvania', I don't need to refer to your name for people to know who I'm talking about. Apology accepted regarding the chinese comments. I'll tell the lads to put away their nunchucks. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. You are proof of this. You are in no position to dictate absolute facts in regards to this prop because, you don't know it all. I don't know it all but what I do know has been gained through hard work, questioning, and huge amounts of subterfuge. That you cannot accept that is an underestimation on your part of my abilities .

Why do you insist that it must be you? There have been many sonics.... fan made and those made by replica prop companies. All made over the years. I was talking about all of the ones I saw. There has only ever been two high end 'replicas' of the Tennant sonic over the years: mine and the MFX. I am still in business. The others are toys and novelty pocket fillers.

I also made a general reference to props I made were people insisted they had access to when the props never left my control. So, none of this involves you. I could easily lie for you just so I could get you to remove all the posts but I won't. It wasn't about you. In the context of the thread and the immediate prior discussions, everyone knows you were talking about me.

 When I got involved in any discussion, it was about a couple specific misrepresented facts which had nothing to do with you. I did even read that many posts there and had no clue who you were. I asked the everyone calm down and keep it about the QMx props. I stated that the props that I make should be compared to the originals and nit a replica against another replica. I don't think that would being fair to anyone. And why would you compare a replica to another replica for accuracy instead of against the original? Indeed, originals I have also had access to. You want to compare against originals, go ahead. I don't think you will because you replica has a 0.5-1mm error in the head. And no, it is not photographic distortion. One of my crew measured it on the sly at SDCC.

This whole thing has been blown way out of proportion. You are asking for the truth and I gave it to you. You want me to confirm details you say are on the originals to calm people down about doubting whether you had the prop. I would be willing to take your listing of details.... look over my pics of the originals and state whether indeed you had access to reference materials to the originals. I con not say publically that you had control over the at any time (i think somewhere i read you or someone else stated you had all 4 11th sonics and took all of them apart) because to be honest.... I can't see the BBC sending you all 4 heros, to China, to an non licensed individual to examine. I know that would never happen. If you had a license, you would get one sonic. But even then.... I doubt it would leave there control. I had to fly to the UK to see these. So, how can you ask me to confirm that you had all 4 11th heros to tear apart? How? I can't confirm that. I can make contact with the BBC to confirm it if that happened. You made a statement that if I added any type of medium to the props to laser scan, it would stick to all the grease packed into the 11ths. There was no grease at all in any of the 11ths or even the 10th. They were all dry. But, I did add medium to the individual parts and I dud laser scan them quite well. Keep in mind that the scans were in case I didn't gave enough time with the props. It turns out I did and I ended up with three sketch pads full of dimensions taken with micrometers and a caliper. I also had radius and chamfer gauges with me as well. So, getting back to whether you had access. I can certainly look at all your listings of details and confirm or deny your claims as to knowing about the props at a certain level of detail but I can't say you had them. If you have pics of all 4 apart and you standing there... then I could confirm such a claim if the props are the real deal. Anyone can make claims they had the props but using pics.... pics anyone could have given you while they were in the UK. I already know of at least one individual that could have sent all of his pics to you. My point is that there is no way for me to confirm you had the actual props to tear apart.... how can anyone be asked to do that. If you say you had them.... then I can't say you didn't and I don't care if you did..... it has nothing to do with me or the props I'm building.

Soooooo, you still don't believe me? I'm not asking you to say anything more that confirm the details I've posted. That is enough. I can assure you I most definitely had these in my hands. Hell, I could have even taken a picture of the prop in between the wife's tits for all you know. Will I post them? Fuck off. However, I don't lie.  Do you think the BBC would honestly confirm they handed me a bunch of hero props? Honestly?! I got them through unofficial channels, right under their noses. Do you think anyone would happily admit to that? Trust me, it was easier than you think. Laughably so, in fact. It's not what you know, it's who you know. Luckily I have connections you can only dream about.You are in a quandary aren't you? Confirm my details and it will show that I have had, at the very least seen the props up close and at worst, will show that there is a leak big enough to drive a tank through at the BBC. Either way, it will be bad news for someone. As for the grease in the props....just ask Nick. Maybe they knew you were coming and decided to specially tart them up for you. Did they smell of Old Spice too when you examined them? They did when I handled them. They really shoudn't have gone to the effort. Tell you what. Let post a pic at the end of this email...of a prop partially dismantled on my desk at the same time I measured the 11th and 10th props. It doesn't matter what you say to be honest Kenney. I think everyone here knows I'm right because come what may, my replicas will have a direct lineage to the original props and that is what counts.

Why can't we end this entire bashing party and start a fresh discussion? I'm asking you to please remove all postings of me and to remove/stop any further tweets. Were not talking about a simple bashing over replica props CT. What you're doing has a negative effect and damaging to my career. That's a little overboard... don't you think? So, please remove all the stuff and I will engage in open discussions with you about your details you want me to confirm you know. I agree that there is enough market for the both of us. I don't agree in the threats. There is no need to threaten that you will keep an eye on me waiting for me to **** up. First, this isn't even a fair fight. No one really knows who you are. It's not even a level playing field for me to engage you and I won't try. Let's just end it and move forward. Again, I'm asking that you please remove all material related to me and we start fresh. If you can honorably remove that material, I will respectfully engage your requests and confirm your details of the sonics. "

No Kenney, my deal stands. I am sick of this backwards and forwards arguing the fucking toss. This will be my last offer. Accept it and we're done. I'm not discussing with you anymore as frankly, I have better things to do. I am not going to cave in to your wishes just so you can save whatever face you have left. You picked this fight, you stared this and no amount of backpedalling can retcon the facts as they stand. Suck it up, get off your knees, stop snivelling and take this like a man. The little PR exercise has backfired spectacularly for you, you've risen to my baiting and I have played you like a Stradivarius. I'd just accept it, go back to my workshop and produce the finest replica I can. In that regard I wish you all the best. Enjoy painting those sonics!

And for the rest of you........

And just to remove all doubt....look at this ruler that is sitting here on my desk....

More trash talk - Trash talk Part 2

I really don't know how to begin this second half of my rant. All I can say is that I am mildly irritated by certain things said in some quarters that are frankly, misinformed and inaccurate. Notwithstanding the things being said, the way in which they have been said  displays a weakness of character in the person saying these things that compells me to respond with the characteristic directness that I pride myself in.

So what in the Dickens am I on about? Two days ago, the man tasked with making QMx's vaporware sonics, revealed himself to the world, a move undoubtedly forced upon Andy Gore by the tidal wave of negativity that followed yet another grand unveiling at SDCC of yet more 'prototypes' and nothing else. In certain circles, it's called prickteasing, in others it's just called bullshit.

The brave soul that inherited this poisoned chalice is a man called Kenney Palkow. Instead of me introducing him, let me just cut and paste his own introduction:

"Greetings.....

OK, I think its about time to clear the air and "keep it real". For those of you that already know who I am... bear with me while I introduce myself. I am an industry special effects, weapons, and prop maker. I primarily work on hero props. Some of my recent stuff includes.... Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome, Warehouse 13, Fringe, Mission Impossible 4, The A-Team, Underworld: New Dawn, Stephen Spielberg's Locke and Key, etc. Ok... so.... that should give you an idea of who I am in the industry and hopefully earn credibility that what I'm going to say is just "keeping it real" and not embellishing or blatant BS.

There has been so much talk about the Sonics and who did this, who did that or "no"... it was done this way, or "no"... you're wrong... it was done that way. lol Everything I'm going to say about the QMx sonics is what it is... nothing more and nothing less.




1. First, I was commissioned by QMx to build the sonics for them.

2. I persuaded QMx to bring me to the Dr. Who set in the UK to examine props that they would like to release. I told them that they could not get the dimensions I needed through pictures alone. I told them I would bring my equipment with.... laser scanner, all kinds of engineering tools, etc and I could create perfect CAD models off the actual "Screen used Props". They agreed and I went with.

3. I spent countless hours reverse engineering the 10th and 11th sonics on set and in my hotel room. I never really got to see much of the UK. Instead, I was working til 3:30am or even all night long to get everything I could. I kept all details... imperfect as well... in my CAD. If I built a sonic right now.... no one would be able to tell mine apart from the original screen used props... period!

4. I know what the 10th and 11th sonics look like inside and out. I was given all 4 hero 11th sonics and the 10th to examine.

5. All 4 11th sonics had slight differences to them. One was a little longer... one part was slightly different than the next one. One had a detail different than another. If you placed all right next to each other, they look pretty identical but once in your hands... you saw the differences. I did a laser scan and CAD on EVERY SINGLE PART... inside and out of all the parts that made up all the 4 different 11th sonics. I took well over 300 photos of the hero screen used sonics alone.

6. Mission accomplished but I wasn't happy enough. I came up with the idea and asked Nick (prop maker who worked on the show for 6 years I believe... correct me if Im wrong on that Nick) if he would build clean versions of all the sonics from the show that QMx would want to release. He said yes. I then told Andy why I thought it would be a good idea. I told him that my CADs were perfect but had all different dimensions from all the differences between the 4 11th sonics etc. I told him that if Nick made the clean versions (try and make the sonics without all the "deadline rush" machining out of it, I would then be able to pic the parts in my CAD to match what Nick made and that would satisfy my OCD as to which of the parts of the 4 11th sonics I would use. Hopefully everyone is still following me and should give everyone an idea of how much "attention to detail" means to me. Andy thought that was a great idea and made it happen. Nick's sonics would also be used to promote the QMx sonics as true and accurate... basically we could show pics of Nick's sonics up against mine. When everyone sees no differences, everyone would be happy and put a lot of questions and concersn to rest.

7. Back at my studio, I went through my documention, photos, and CAD and got everything ready to start machining the prototypes for QMx.


8. I was in communication with Nick about various details as well as trying to find large material sources... like the material used for the crackle effect for the 10th sonic.


9. During my communication with Nick, he asked me to machine up the complex parts of the 10th. Yes.... some of those parts can not be machined up properly without the use of cnc. I had asked Nick if he had kept any of his drawings or dimensions on the 10th. He had said that the original screen used 10th sonic was machined up by a company called Aztec. This was the first time I ever heard this name. That's why I machined up the complex parts of the 10th sonic... my CAD was dead on to the screen used one and everone who would purchased one would be happy knowing that. So, I machined up 2 sets and shipped them off to Nick at the last minute so he could assemble and paint it for Comic Con. Sorry Nick that it was last minute.... . So, the 10th sonic, was a joint team effort between Nick and I to give you guys the best and the dead on accurate details everyone wants. You asked for it... you got it.


10. When I was on set, the studio was extremely professional and extremely protective of these sonics. Being an industry professional, I was able to gain enough trust with them to allow me to do what I needed to do to get the details off these sonics for all of you. And for that, I truly send a heart warm "thank you" to all those involved... from the prop master on up. This level of detail could not have been accomplished without your trust.

11. So, when I build these sonics for QMx... they will be made with my CAD I did of every part of the screen used 10th and 11th sonics. As for the other sonics (not the 10th and 11th), I will be reverse engineering Nick's work (Nick does not use CNC and does not have CAD models). He uses manual equipment and this would not be good when you have to machine several hundred or even thousands of parts for a run of sonics. I will be leaving all of Nick's details intact. Example: I made the Tesla guns for season 3 of Warehouse 13. The Tesla's frame needed to look as if it was hand cut with a hacksaw. Well, for the run of QMx Tesla guns, I left those hacksaw tooling marks in the parts when I programmed the laser to cut them out. That's the level of detail you'll be getting.

12. This is Important. I have seen some of the sonics out there and I have not come across one with all the details as the screen used ones I saw on set. I will not direct or point the finger at anyone specific.... I just don't want to get involved with those fights.... lol. What I want to say is that I have seen people try and replicate my work and state they had access to the prop and its 100 percent dead on. Yet, with all those incidents, none of them had access and none of them were dead on accurate. So... why would they say this? To make the sale. Plain and simple. In the end.... I ask everyone to STOP.... TAKE A DEEP BREATH.... AND RELAX. We're all brothers on this tiny ball floating around in space. lol Just know this... I took every step to give you the most accurate props. I mean.... Nick is now involved with all this. Everything else doesn't matter, everything else that anyone made up until this point has nothing to do with the QMx sonics except what's in this post and the sonics will be exact and that is something I stand behind saying.

OK then.... man I'm tired now. LOL Hopefully this answers a lot of questions for you guys and puts a lot of it to rest. For those of you who are Dr. Who fans and will be purchasing one of these sonics.... you will be getting the most accurate collectable built exactly like the heros. You can't even call them replicas.... you're getting hero made props... the same ones on screen. You won't tell the difference.

Kenney "

This was an introduction full of thinly disguised swagger, promising the impossible backed up with an arrogant attitude that would clearly  be absent were it not for the backup of QMx. Like an obnoxious oik who will only pick a fight when he has his friends around him. Let's cherry pick some of his puffery shall we?:

 

"If I built a sonic right now.... no one would be able to tell mine apart from the original screen used props... period!"

 

Bullshit. I could tell as could a myriad others. Very easily. Don't make stupid and impossible claims you cannot possibly delivery on...period!

 

"we could show pics of Nick's sonics up against mine. When everyone sees no differences, everyone would be happy and put a lot of questions and concersn to rest."

"the sonics will be exact and that is something I stand behind saying."

"I took every step to give you the most accurate props"

Again, unless you are damn sure of your skill, don't make these claims because the moment anyone can see differences, someone will look like a tit. Right?

Ok, so I read the rest of what he has to say, do my makes on this guy and find out he's the guy making the Tesla guns for QMx as well as other bits and pieces. This makes me raise an eyebrow. So this is the guy making a piece-of-piss static gun prop with a few vacuum tubes and brass piping, selling it for $1200 and is still barely turning a profit?! Things are looking up. I could bang those things out for less than $300 retail all day every day! The odds of QMx ever turning these things out has just lengthened considerably in my book.

 

However something then made my blood boil. This:

 

"I have seen some of the sonics out there and I have not come across one with all the details as the screen used ones I saw on set. I will not direct or point the finger at anyone specific.... I just don't want to get involved with those fights.... lol. What I want to say is that I have seen people try and replicate my work and state they had access to the prop and its 100 percent dead on. Yet, with all those incidents, none of them had access and none of them were dead on accurate. So... why would they say this? To make the sale. Plain and simple. In the end.... I ask everyone to STOP.... TAKE A DEEP BREATH.... AND RELAX. We're all brothers on this tiny ball floating around in space. lol "

 

With that single paragraph this guy turns from being a mildly irritating oik to a full blown cunt. I am fully aware of every single detail on those sonics, probably more so than even you are aware of, you dumb fucking hack. Howver, I am am not going to sit down and engineer in every fucking scratch, dent, hamfisted reshape of the head, just because it exists on a rather battered prop that you measured after it has been retired. Sure, I am aware of the front v shape profile of the ridges (because they were reshaped during the season 2 refurb because the head was pretty battered with dents and scratches that needed to be polished out of it which reduced the outer circumference so the ridges needed 'lifting'), always have been. I am aware of the various screws holding each component together and the angles involved. However, conscious choices were made to keep certain things in and leave certain things out for aesthetic and common sense reasons. I examined the same props and actually got in there way before he did. For him to accuse me of lying to make the sale? What a total cunt. In part 1 of Trash Talk I laid down a challenge to him. I described in fine detail the location, size and shape of scratches, dents and other features that I could not possibly know unless I have examined and photographed the props. If I am talking shit, call me out on it, I dare you, muthafucker. His is adopting this pathetic passive aggressive 'I don't want to pick a fight' stance but by insulting my integrity he already has and in that regard I will remember this and when he fucks up, which he already has, I shall be waiting to publically rub his face in it.

But it gets worse.....in another post he goes on to state:

"when you get something from China... it's not going to be the level of detail, heart, and sweat as what you get when it's made by one of us from the industry"

That is the biggest pile of crock I have every heard. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU? You don't want to pick a fight?! Great job, you cocksucking little faggot. I have you know I put blood, sweat and guts into all my replica. Over the past three years I have bent over backwards to bring the finest sonics to market. They are handbuilt with an attention to detail that will make a talentless fuck like you, wince. My mark 2 Tennant sonic is already being readied for the next run, and it has dimensions taken for the same prop you examined so it will be as perfect as I can make it. However, if by some miracle, QMx does get their's out, I have a good mind to saturate the entire market with $150 cnc'ed, with sound, versions of yours just to fuck you up and I will feel great doing it and I won't even care that I will not be making any money as the satisfaction of seeing your fat faces when you shit yourself when you realise you will be sitting on several hundred $2000 sonics that you can't shift is more than payment enough. QMx could well follow MFX into oblivion.

So Kenney's made some bold claims. He's given it the double XXL. But one thing nags at me that betrays the fact that he's nowhere near as good as he thinks he is.

If he has taken laser scans of the sonics (I find this weird as you cannot really cannot take laser scans of reflective metal surfaces without coating them in talc first, and I don't see the Beeb allowing that, do you?), detailed measurements and photos....

WHY THE FUCK DOES HE NEED ROBATTO'S REFERENCE PIECES??????

His reasoning does not gel. Each one of the 11th sonics is unique and the most unique parts are the copper and aluminium strips that make up the upper and lower cage sections. Each one is hand fitted and trimmed, taped and then riveted. They then need to be adjusted. None of them are 1:1 interchangeable with another. It would be a simple case of averaging all the necessary dims to give a tidy prop with interchangeable parts. Even simpler, choose the best looking prop and copy that! What a fucking numbnut....

I never took laser scans, but I have enough data here to produce a perfectly tidy, symmetrical 1:1 replica which is what I am working on right now.

I suspect Kenney fucked up. I don't think he took scans or his scans ended up inaccurate for various reasons and he is having trouble getting the cages to fit. Am I right? I know I am. The way the prop is, you cannot just straightforward copy it. The hand coaxing and trimming and notching means that what is measured is not what came fresh off Robatto's mill.

So what about the 10th? He claims he wants to make a perfect 1:1 replica indistiguishable from the prop. I don't think he quite succeeded with this:

It's a lovely prop and is actually a lot better and more accurate than my current version. There are many things perfect with it including the black bulb shape and the body, However there are also several things seriously flawed with it. I am not going to point out what these are as quite honestly, why should I do their job for them, but there are two major issues with the head and Robatto fucked up with the paint (he did tweet about it about 10 days ago) which meant the crackle was too small. Fine for the Eccleston Aztec sonic, not so fine for the Tennant sonic. I know precisely what he did, and that was he laid on too thick an undercoat and too thin a top coat. Nice to see the flush, filled in activation strip but technically that was never on this sonic and was only ever on the Eccleston ones.

So much for the boasts then....it is what it is: a nice, tidied hybrid sonic but hardly one that you cannot tell apart from the prop and certainly not the perfection he promised. Some of this has already been pointed out to Kenney who swears blind that it is identical when compared to his reference pics. Sorry, but I've already done comparisions using my own pics  and there are issues. Feel free to post them though, should be interesting to see. I notice that Kenney hasn't machined in the wonky bevels and the assymmetry. I really does hope he posts these pics as then my proof can be checked against the scratches and dents in the prop. You will also all see how shit the prop actually is and that a perfect recreation would be madness.

So what do I think will happen with these sonics? I maintain that they will never see the light of day.

The R&D can take up to a year per sonic, especially if you have a busy schedule like I have and by the sounds of it, Kenney Palkow has too. He only makes for QMx in his spare time between movies. He's also working on QMx's other stuff.

The Matt Smith sonic is completely at odds with mass manufacture, even CNC, as each one needs hand assembly, fitting and substantial internal redesign. I already have that sussed. It contain nearly 50 parts, all scratch made. Using the infinitely simpler Tesla gun they charged $1200 which was cheaper than the final costings dictated. If this thing ever does come to market, which I doubt, you are looking at nearly $2000.

 The 10th sonic, which according to Kenney is harder to machine (trust me, it isn't), needs to be hand painted which takes a lot of man hours (trust me, I have dicked around with this stuff probably more than any man on earth. What I do not know about crackle paint can be written on the back of a hobbit's posing pouch)

The message they give is utterly contradictory. On one hand they say they want to produce replicas indistinguishable from the props. Yet they show sanitised and idealised prototypes which are totally different from the props they are supposed to ape. You can't have it both ways. Pick one route and stick to it with conviction. if you want to produce screen accurate replicas, you must do it, warts too.

In any sensible person's view, QMx have a flawed business model that relies too much on cheap shite or very expensive stuff they farm out to people who end up stiffing them on price because they can. How about producing good stuff at a fair price? If you can't then I will and I'll still be standing at the end of days becuase I'm a tough passionate bastard and tough passionate bastards survive. Believe it.

Trash talk Part 1

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Nevermind the bollocks, here's QMx

It's that time of year again. Silly season has begun in earnest, business has slumped, anyone who is anyone has fucked off to the nearest beach to get blind drunk on drinks with paper umbrellas in them, QMx dusts off the bullshit maker for ComicCon and the feeling of deja vu is so pervasive, I might choose last week's lottery numbers in the hope they come up again this week.

I may jest, but I swear that QMx actually does have a massive bullshit machine in their office, like a grotesque ice cream maker that churns out whipped cones of steaming cow turds for the gullible retards that actually believe what they are being fed is chocolate flavoured dairy dessert when in actual fact it's another type of bovine derived product entirely.

Let's remind ourselves of what was announced last year, shall we?:

http://io9.com/5591946/sonic-screwdrivers-star-trek-posters-firefly-statues--a-mountain-of-awesome-new-collectibles

'Their' Tennant sonic never made it to market and has been quietly swept under the carpet. Instead, what we get this year is something even more interesting:

http://io9.com/5822765/the-most-accurate-sonic-screwdriver-models-ever-created

They look good don't they? But then again, they should. They are perfect for a very good reason. What we apparently have here are claimed 'prototypes' of QMx's sonic replicas, made by the production propmaker Nick Robatto. That's all well and good. But reading between the lines, what is omitted is often more telling than what is actually said (which in this instance is, to be honest, "not a lot"). The weakminded sycophantic portion of fans will jump all over this, panhandled like a pubescent virgin doped up to the gills on Viagra, and think "Yay!, we're going to be getting replicas made by the actual propmaker himself".

Bullshit!

That's the fantasy, here's the reality:

What you are seeing are not QMx's prototypes of these sonics, but QMx's reference material that they intend to use to make their replicas.

Yes, QMx have neither designed or blueprinted for these pieces. They don't even have anyone lined up to  make them. These are in no way representative of the final product. In order to stall and keep the licence for another year, QMx commissioned Robatto to make exact replicas of the props since they couldn't get hold of the actual filming props, this is a solution that allowed them to obtain, measure and keep master reference pieces. By doing this, they show the BBC that they are actually doing something with the licence instead of sitting around with their dicks in their hands and it allows them to keep a certain sizeable chunk of the fanbase fluffed for a while longer.

But, you know what? They have the same reference material that I've got. The only difference (and it's not much of a difference) is that my reference is from screen used pieces but nonetheless, they are also Robatto made. I'm not going to go into the details of this but some of my readers already know I'm not bullshitting.

Put into context, what does this QMx 'announcment' actually mean? Very little. It just means they have bought screen accurate reference pieces. I could release pics of the screen used pieces I referenced and said "hey guys, look at my prototypes!" but that would be misleading, unethical and patently untrue. When I release pics of my prototypes, they will be designed and made by me. Unless every single one of QMx's replicas are made by Nick Robatto, they really should shut the fuck up, be honest and let their product do the talking. Underpromise and over deliver is a mantra I live by and if the fatties that run QMx would get their maws out of their cheeseburgers long enough to listen, they would also heed this mantra too.

Personally, I guarantee that the QMx replicas will never happen. I know the 11th doctor sonic back to front now, every nuance, quirk and idiosyncrasy. It is a massively difficult piece to engineer and build and I've been working on it for nearly a year. QMx cannot do this and the other pieces anytime soon especially if they are starting from effectively now. With the prices in China and around the world shooting skyhigh, the chances of this being made affordably by QMx is virtually zilch. You'd getter better odds on finding Dee Dee Ramone alive and well on the moon blowing Michael Jackson.

The way they have just wheeled these out, claiming between the lines, that these are what will be made is irresponsible and dare I say it, fraudulent in the extreme. At least MFX had the balls to show a prototype that they engineered themselves. It's not a complete disaster though. If the replicas don't happen, they could always release nice posters of the 'prototypes', right?

Edit: This just in from Kursosawa:

http://www.therpf.com/f9/qmx-sonic-screwdriver-thread-92189/index12.html#post1777555

"Howdy yall. first and foremost, the sonics Rubbertoe has on display at SDCC are amazing. He actually let me handle the 11th Doctor's screwdriver and the Master's Laser Screwdriver. *squeeee*. One interesting thing i noticed: The green sections on the 11th screwdriver are made of green resin with white marbling.

As far as any info on release dates and price, no one was able to give anything substantial at the QMX booth. Though they did have a farnsworths for sale at the booth with light and sound for 400 and teslas as well for 1000+ I forget the actual number. Ill post more tonight on my blog with pictures and such with more coverage."

 

I've underlined the bit that proves what I've said above. Now that came as a bit of a surprise, didn't it? (Sarcasm intended). That's because no one at QMx has a fucking clue what they are doing. I am now going to sit back in my chair, adopt a smug self satisfied expression secure in the fact that QMx really are the amateurs I suspected them to be. I wonder how long it will be before the go the way of MFX Replicas? I give it a year, tops, before someone calls time. Mark my words....

Another Edit:  An 'official' response from the salad dodger who is now the appointed mouthpiece for QMx that pretty much confirms my thoughts written above. Jeez, I hate being right sometimes: (My rejoinder in red)

http://www.therpf.com/f9/qmx-sonic-screwdriver-thread-92189/index12.html#post1778667

"Hey, just wanted to drop in and comment on one thing here.

The 10th Doctor and 11th Doctor Sonics are both at SDCC as well as the River Song and Master's laser. The sonics on display are the prototypes for the QMx Artisan line. Nick made the prototypes for us, so the next step will be getting the crew and materials to start working off Nick's prototype.

It's not a prototype. Don't call it a 'prototype'. It's your master reference piece, pure and simple. Ok, maybe it absolute terms a prototype is just tha,t but pretending it's anything but a reference piece made by someone who WILL NOT be making your final product is utter bullshit and pure lies especially if you are touting these as being representative of your final product. It's not. It would be nice to say 'these are what we aspire it' but you're not doing that are you? You are building an expectation that can never be fulfilled. This is the problem MFx had. Nick Robatto made your reference pieces just so you would have something to show at Comic Con. That's all you have. You have no blueprints, no 3D models or even anyone to make them. You have done nothing. You haven't even started yet for fuck's sake!

As for the previous Ten sonic -- well, we now have a prototype built by the man who made the prop. We're gonna work off that one instead, y'know?

Er...right. Very eloquently put. You figured out what was wrong with the previous one, did you? Lol.

I'm not saying they'll be made next month, but the QMx "vaporware" concern is part of a past that doesn't really include any of the current folks at QMx. The Farnsworths and Tesla's are both here and on sale. As are a number of newly designed statues and maquettes. The Enterprise Refit and the 2009 Enterprise are both here as well. And we'll have ordering details for those very soon.

How about being honest and saying that you have no clue if and when they will ever be done? Farnsworths and Tesla's are great albeit much much simpler that a sonic.  Even the more complex piece, the Tesla gun is no where near as complex as a hand made 11th sonic with nearly 50 components and look at the price of that. You have no machinists, production facilities or design capability: just a bunch of people you hire on a per job basis to be paid peanuts. I guarantee that no one will go near the sonics for less than £1000 per unit, COST. Trust me, I already did my research

So, I know the past hasn't boded well. But we're definitely looking forward and the sonics are further along than they've ever been ;-)

 

Sure, at least now you have some decent reference material, the exact same stuff I have had for months now. Well done. But you're still a long way from where you need to be. I would equate it to aspiring to flying to the moon when you've barely learned to walk upright. Still, you're definitely further along than you've ever been. Last year you were still swimming in the primeval soup."

 

Nazis. I hate these guys...

Just a quick interlude before I post my thoughts on the QMx sonic 'prototypes' being shown off at ComicCon I thought I would share another hilarious online posting from our favourite idiot Daniel 'Risu' Pawlik. I just don't know if this guy is deliberately being funny or not. He's car-crash entertainment of the David Brent variety. Anyway, he wrote here:

http://www.therpf.com/f9/qmx-sonic-screwdriver-thread-92189/index12.html#post1776398

"When I first got into this hobby, the people who were perfectionists and demanded 100% accuracy were referred to as SA Nazis. The qualifier being that they wanted their stuff to look exactly like what was seen on screen. Now we have a whole new breed of Nazis."

I can understand this sentiment wholeheartedly but Danny-boy, you have to take a certain degree of personal responsibility for this situation. I have often felt the overwhelming urge to put you in an oven myself so you really have only yourself to blame.