The turd that won't flush

Once upon a time, not so long ago in fact, I was sitting in a bar on The Bund in Shanghai (a delightful stretch of waterfront to those of you worldly enough to make the trip out to this part of the world, yellow peril bedamned), shooting the breeze over a couple of Tsingtao with an old chum of mine. Now this chum was a sagacious sort, the type of ex-pat British civil servant identikit construct that usually frequents ex-colonial establishments constantly bemoaning the demise of the British Empire and refers to me as his WOG compadre. As archetypal as he may have been (and he was - he wore a fucking Pith helmet for chrissake), he has a very cutting and quite elegant way of looking at the world. On this occasion I was on one of my rare bouts of loathing just about everyone but on this particular afternoon, I excelled myself and hated on the entire human race. I remarked, after about the eight beer of that particularly torpid session, that 'the entire human race is, in fact, shit'. Without batting an eyelid, my sagacious ex-pat chum replied 'That may be the case, CT old boy, but one must aim to be the turd that floats'.

Now where is this leading, the deafening question I hear resounding before me? Well, I had to have drawn that conclusion from somewhere and from something, or more pointedly, from someone.

Many candidates spring to mind, and many of them I have featured on this very blog, but tonight I have had the misfortune of encountering an imbecile of such distinction that crimes against common sense and reason that have been perpetrated prior to this epiphanic moment by lesser imbeciles pale into comparison to the utter tosh that has manifested itself tonight.

Who, I hear you all collectively clamour, is this wingnut?

Come a bit closer and I shall tell you....

He calls himself 'Phez' and is a prime example of what Stephen King refered to as a 'child of the corn' and through his sycophantism, has done more to damage the tarnished image of Midwesterners being inbred numbnuts than Britney Spears ever could. This tool managed to put down his pitchfork and banjo for long enough to type the following missive on the RPF:

[my response in red]

"This is still going huh

Er....actually it wasn't until you decided to stick your oar in.

Why doesn't CT just produce one or two pictures of the screen used Sonic that are NOT publicly available (that he took while examining the real Sonic). You can not tell me that some insider said "take all of the measurements with a caliper etc... that you want but do not bring a camera". There is absolutely no way that a single photo could get a secret source in trouble and would be one single shred of proof other than saying "I had access but can not say how due to legal issues".

You really, really, really must think I'm thick or something. I have no need to prove anything to you. My product speaks for itself. I have put out a challenge to Neill, to the BBC, to Nick fucking Robatto to prove that my dimensions are off. You can't. So are you saying that the MFX dimensions are correct? They're not and if any MFX owner wishes to test this contention, I am more than happy to fund a court case to this end. Everyone knows I have had access to the prop because my sonic matches up in every single dimension. Ultimately, whether I had access or whether MFX had access is moot because what one does with that access, and the product one produces with this data, is more important than prop access argument. You're just a childish little cunt who is just trying to hang on to whatever sliver of high ground you think you have. It's pathetic and transparent and so are you. Just fucking grown up, you wanker.

I would believe the guy if there was ANY evidence at all to back it up, any. I do not care if a story makes sense, sounds reasonable, or follows a timeline. Con artists operate off of making up a good story to people who want to believe them every day (JUST TO MAKE PERFECTLY CLEAR THE INTENT OF THIS STATEMENT, I AM NOT IMPLYING HERE THAT CT IS A CON ARTIST OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN A GUY MAKING SOME NICE REPLICA SONICS, SO DO NOT BE A DINK AND TAKE MY WORDS OUT OF CONTEXT).

I really don't give a squirt of piss whether you believe me or not. It makes no difference to me. Those that matter (ie, not you), know that the only way I could have produced such a magnificent piece is by having access to an original.

I (and most of us) have seen replicas that could pass for forgeries that were made from screen caps and publicity photos hundreds of times on this forum. A very good replica can be made by someone with a good eye using just those resources and does not in any way mean access to an original took place (Some times better because the replica looks like what we see on screen which the original props sometimes do not).

Do you honestly think anyone is that good they could produce a piece that is within 0.03mm tolerance of the original prop using eye or just visual material? You are kidding youself and make the object of your asslicking look even worse than they do already. Not even I'm that good and I'm fucking head and shoulders above most of the hacks that call themselves propmakers. Let's be honest here, if I did make such a piece using just screencaps and pics, it makes MFX/Russrep who did have access to a prop look like a bunch of hamfisted monkeys, doesn't it?

CT's Sonics look great, but what exactly is the point in continuing to attack Neil when he has posted proof photos and talked about everything any of us has asked for. Our own screen cap based analysis aside (we know how well that works for color matching), a licensed piece had to get inspected and approved by the BBC. Wouldn't someone have gone "hey this is totally the wrong color" at some point if it did not match the one they used for refrence to some degree (Just Sayin). Why exactly would MFX just make up a color when they obviously (due to photo proof) had direct access to just look at the real one?

Because, you dumb fool, Neill's proof shoots himself in the foot and has been comprehensively and verifiably dismantled by someone a hell of a lot brighter than he is. The majority of people out there know the truth, they know my data is not smoke up their ass and they know that this is a victory of both commonsense and axiomatic fact over puffery and ill-thought out spin. Even those cunts at the BBC must know but will never admit it. So why don't you re-read the evidence, absorb it, allow yourself to be washed over by the deluge of enlightenment that you will surely be engulfed by, and run along to mummy and daddy, tail between your legs, knowing that there is no shame in being soundly spanked by someone intellectually more capable than you will ever be?

EFX Staff Meeting

Neil:

"Ok hear me out on this one, I know this is crazy but the piece we examined was gray but let go ahead and paint this F****er gold!!!!!. The prop collectors love it when you do stuff like this. What do you guys think?"

EFX Team response

Is this really reasonable or do all just like to argue?

You know what? Never a truer word said in jest.

I think we are being very unfair calling Neil a lier based on screen caps and photos of the sonic with the finish obviously heavily worn. The MFX is obviously made to look new and not beat up. If there are only three colors and one is out of the question, could it be the white worn white? Maybe, could it be the worn gold, maybe. Do we know exactly what either color looks like after it has been heavily used and striped and repainted over and over. My question is why would he not have just called Nick Robatto and asked what color paint he uses on them? Neil makes the alien effects for the show, Robatto is obviously on speed dial. It simple does not make any sense. "

That is a very good question. I know the secret to this paint and I even alluded to it about two years ago when I announced my sonics and so do several other people, even Mr Robatto himself but that is another story for another time. Whether it will be told is something that you will all have to wonder what this secret is. One hint though. Look at the crackle patterns, therein lies all manner of secrets to be unlocked.

So this brings me full circle. Humankind may well be shit, and one might do well to aspire to be the turd that floats, but with one major caveat:  one mustn't develop such bouyancy that Mr Phez has displayed tonight and steadfast become that annoying floater that just won't flush.

Time to bring out the loo brush I think....

ADDENDUM: Just to make sure that the moron Phez is 100% clear on this point, I have never claimed access to the Tennant prop just the Season 1 prop. My replica has been extrapolated from the Season 1 prop.