When is an explanation not an explanation?

....when it's given by Keith Collins. Here is his rather anti-climatic rejoinder to my accusations: (My responses in RED)

"The Cult of CT has arrived, I new that it would happen one day, as I have been warned about this by other members, that they would start showing up, and there job is to attack anyone that looks like having a go at the 10th doctors sonic, as according to them there can only be one.

I'm going to overlook your atrocious spelling and give this to you straight. There is no 'cult'. I have some great customers and all exhibit their own free will to call it like they see it. In this instance, they see a freeloading scumbag lying thieving toad with all the scruples of an inveterate criminal opportunist. I don't think I've ever said that no-one can replicate the 10th Doctor sonic. Just don't steal my construction designs or dimensions. You want to change the way it's put together, change the parts I designed, feel free but the moment you start fucking around with my work, we have a BIG problem.

The only thing that band member he is good at, is expanding my use of bad English.

I suppose the irony of the spelling and grammar of this sentence is lost on you.

This image is the base from which I made most of my dimensions from, I scaled it to size and used a ruler to do the rest, and used 3D inventor to model the sonic.

Others was from screen grabs & photo’s taken from the net of Sonics, have used various photo’s to help with building my custom sonic.

Yes, pics and photos of MY sonic build. So how do you explain the numerous unique design features only found on MY sonic that somehow made their way into YOUR build? Can you explain that? How did you know about the window bisecting the strut when prior to 2008 no one knew about it and it was not immediately visible on any of the public domain pics of the prop? How do you explain the threaded ball coupler or the LED holder cylinder or the shallow lens recess? This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard.

Some of the design that was posted, where just that, design concepts, however in retrospect I now should not have posted them, or been so forth coming until I had a final design.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt for a nanosecond, just how did you arrive at the precise design details that you display on your blueprints? I am interested to hear this. I can give you exact reasons for mine backed up with design sketches, notes and blueprints. Can you?

As now this has only given the band member fuel to attach me on.

You have done this yourself with your blatant thievery. RogueScout already wised up to your antics as others have on other boards. I beleive you were also banned from one of the TARDIS boards for recasting. Face it, you're a thief and a liar. You're also a cunt of the 1st degree.

I have never been to his site but I can see why no one would make the Tennant sonic now He is a good example of a cyber bully.

Actually, I am a good example of a man of principle who will not tolerate conniving, crooked, thieving scum like you. If you had decided to make a Tennant sonic that did NOT plagiarise mine, wholesale, I would have left you alone. But you decided to chance it and by doing so you have shown the world what a low life piece of shit you really are. You want to play in my pond Collins?

Make sure you have cast iron underpants as I will chew your bollocks off.

I do not intend to deviate from what I have started, I can‘t be cyber bullied into submission, by him or any others from his cult, I do not go to his site as it is a waste of space. Frankly why would I, it is of very little value to the human race.

No Keith, YOU are the waste of space. Scum like you are of little value to the human race because you are a parasite. You take and steal and give nothing back. You attempt to shine in the reflected glory of others because you have no light of your own to give. You are a contemptible piece of shit and you are not worth the steam that rises from my piss on a cold day. You're the type of wanker who would rob your own grandmother and then sleep soundly because you lack the conscience that differentiates us from the animals we once were. You want to pass judgement on me? Take a long hard look in the mirror first.

I still will be posting pic’s of the Rassilon1 Custom Tennant Sonic on the due date as mentioned, and this will be the first & last response to any negativity directed by the cult of CT

We shall see, won't we? ;-) "

UPDATE: It appears that I have had an effect on Cuntus McCollins afterall. He's now hurriedly changed his emitter design slightly. Here's the updated one:

I suppose if I chip at him long enough he will remove all the stuff he's stolen from my original design.

Is there a doctor in the house?

I'm in need of the services of a doctor. Not The Doctor, just a doctor. Preferably one with a big thick hypodermic needle filled with a gallon of industrial strength bleach to stick into an insidious, parasitic leeching piece of shit called Keith Collins, more commonly know by his online handle 'Rassilon1'.

Over the past few weeks this bumptious little turd's antics have started to irritate me. Not that he's affecting me or my business, but the way he's conducted his business has become ethically repellant and since no one has called him out on it, it looks like I'm going to have to do it myself. 

This thieving little toerag has taken my work, my research and my engineering, and appropriated them for his own edification, in effect recasting my work on an intellectual level. I realise Aussies are descended from felonious stock but surely after two centuries penal servitude, you would have thought these subversive urges might have been a little bit curbed by the antipodean sun.

Here's the thread on The RPF: http://www.therpf.com/f9/custom-tennant-sonic-build-130690/

Let's look at what we are talking about. Here's Collins' blueprints (you will note that he has 'copyrighted' it...fuckwittery at its finest. I'm reproducing it here, sue me you prick):

You will notice that the overall dimensions (especially on the black bulb end) look suspiciously familiar. He has made a total pigs ear of some dimensions and the head is seriously flawed. I'm not going to point out which dimensions are out because why should I help this prize tool, however what pisses me off most is that he has copied the way in which the emitter head disassembles and also the fact that I used a solid aluminium anodized bulb end. When I first engineered this replica I put a lot of work into the design of the constituent components to end up with a strippable sonic that made assembly easier and the end result more sturdy. I didn't sweat and toil for some thieving cunt to come along and purloin my hard work. To that end I put in little 'tells' and idealized certain features. I also added in details such as the bisected strut, and the circular mounting cylinder and LED mounting that hitherto had not been seen before.

Let me give you another example of his blatant thievery. Here's his model of the emitter head:

Compare that with mine:

As you can see, apart from a few dimensional inaccuracies, the design is virtually identical. The shallow lens cap recess, the strut bisected by the window, the radial curves on the window, the hole for the LED holder and the screw in lower section are all features that only appear on my replica, not the MFX or were pointed out by me first and documented on this blog.

Let's also look at the ball coupler design. Here's Collins':

and here's mine:

Looks familiar doesn't it just? The evidence here is damning. My sonic is the ONLY sonic available that has these same design features. To say that you came up with these same design features independently when there is a plethora of documentation from myself during the build and in the months after in this very blog precludes it. Unless Cuntus McCollins has been living under Ayre's-fucking-rock for the past three years, there is no way he cannot have been unaware of my work. Neither the MFX or the CO sonics exhibit these features. They are unique to me because I designed and engineered my own fucking sonic.

Looking at that thieving piece of donkey scrotum's dims, it's pretty obvious that he's based the sonic on mine by doing a hamfisted job in scaling my published pics because a lot of the dims are just off. Some pretty badly (and are obviously from perspective distortion) and others not so badly. He's taken my overall engineering and created a half baked approximation of the exterior. What he hasn't been able to do is replicate the internals or the slider/switch assembly but I note he's stolen the unique dimensions of the slider plate. The only reason I can come up with is because to my knowledge I've never published any pics of my sonic disassembled and the man is a talentless fucking moron with not an original bone in his body or any aptitude for anything except mindless plagiarism.

The most damning evidence he's based his build on mine is the fucking numpty put down the angle of slope of the tip of the black bulb. That angle is unique to my build and was a deliberate tell, put in almost like a fingerprint. His angle is within fractions of a degree of mine and looks like he just put a protractor over a pic of mine.

Collins' 10th rate intellectual recasting doesn't really bother me all that much. What does bother me is that he couldn't even do a decent job of it. That say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. That is true if the person doing the copying honours you by doing a decent job. This effort is so piss-poor it is honestly an insult.

This is the work of a two faced opportunistic shyster who originally claimed he was doing a personal build but in the course of a few posts miraculously morphed into someone who is now going to offer completed and kit form sonics. And according to our friend Primrodo, it seems as if this jizzmonkey has a track record of doing similar shit on other forums too.

I've got no problem with people making sonics. It's a free market. But do your own research, make your own observations and certainly do not steal the hard work of someone like me, because you will find out the total bastard I can be and I will publicly make you an object of ridicule.

No matter, the most disturbing thing that has come to light is the fact that not a single one of you fuckers have called him out on it. In fact, some of you bastards are even encouraging him!!!! I know who you are and if you ever want another product from me again, you can honestly take a run up and go fuck yourselves. I don't give a shit whether that fat bearded child molester Ron Daniels/GreatWazoo is actively fellating Collins or there are idiots who want a spring loaded sonic. You're welcome to bumsniff him all you like. You have my blessing. No, the biggest problem is the flagrant hypocrisy that is on display. The cry of 'recaster' is often used, usually in a high pitched indignant voice, whenever a helmet, gun or bust is recast but what is more insidious and just as bad is intellectual recasting of the hard work and research of others. The tightwads who want a cheap sonic or have wound me up so badly in the past I refuse to sell to them will keep schtum on the recasting front because it suits their aims to get a cheap sonic. Well, newsflash dickheads, by the time Collins has finished you won't be far off the price of one of mine, completed, with sound, light and dimensions taken from the prop. It really does amaze me how these double standards work. Well, if you want to support this cunt, go ahead as that will probably be the only sonic you'll be owning as you can forget about ever ordering with me.

Update: Looks like I'm not the only one this fuckstick has done this to. I've just been alerted to this:

http://www.therpf.com/f9/romanas-sonic-screwdriver-looking-info-measurements-131428/index2.html#post2020892

To quote RogueScout:

"Effective immediately, REMOVE all reference to my work from this thread. Going forward, I do not give ANY permission to have any part of it replicated or used in development of this project and any use therein will be constituted as RECASTING on behalf of the artist. Again, remove all reference to my work, this includes any images which are owned by me as well as any image that was created with the use of my intellectual property. This is not negotiable."


It would appear that Collins has been ripping off RogueScout's hard work on the Romana sonic and using that as the basis for his half-assed replica. How anyone can even support this useless oxygen thief is beyond me. Then I see GreatWazoo42, Phez et al and it all becomes crystal clear.

The Ultimate Edition 10 Sonic

When I embarked on this journey in three years ago, I never expected to really carve out this little niche for myself in the pantheon of prop replica makers. What started as a 'fuck you' to the jumped up powers-that-be has snowballed into an enjoyable little venture that has brought immense joy to a small but loyal section of the fans that want decent accurate replicas built with an artisanal sensibility to the highest levels of quality, value and service. To those that have supported me, despite my all too frequent bouts of stupidity induced psychosis, you have my gratitude and respect. To those that haven't...well, you can fuck off.

One of the things that characterises my work is that, wherever possible, I use original reference material obtained through a carefully cultivated network of trusted insiders that goes a long way to making my replicas the best they can be. Unlike some, I eschew the design-by-committee process that characterises much of the fan made prop replicas I see. Personally, I can't think of a quicker way to fucking a replica up than to submit to the often flawed observational abilities found on many online forums or to cull the temporary conclusions of endless circular online flame wars. To make a decent replica, you need a decent pair of eyes, a free thinking mind and a strong committed personality to make the big decisions.

It has been nearly two years since I first released my Tennant sonic replica and in that time much has happened, MFX has been seen off, QMx's first abortive attempt at a replica has been seen off and their second is also pretty much seen off. I've therefore decided to piss in the soup one last time and release the final word on this replica just to make sure that the market has been well and truly covered before the big tamale, my 11th Sonic, is unveiled in a couple of months from now.

My original Tennant sonic was an extrapolation of the dimensions taken from the Penny Howarth made wide-slider Season 1 Eccleston sonic. At that time, about 2007, not a huge amount was really known about these sonics and the public domain material wasn't all that great. During the development cycle many assumptions and rounding up and down of numbers were made, liberties were taken and many mistakes crept into the final product which, in retrospect, has never stopped bothering me. About 2 years ago, one of my contacts in the UK mentioned casually that she could get me access to the original Tennant prop as well as the River Song and 11th Sonics. Due to conflicting diaries and the huge amounts of subterfuge involved nothing came to fruition until early this year when I got a phone call requesting my presence on the other side of the world immediately. Like something from a Bourne movie, I got onto a plane and less than 48 hours later I was in the backend of beyond in the freezing cold to RV with my contact to finally study and measure these props in detail.

The result of this study was both a revelation and a curse. The 10th doctor prop was in a very bad state having been seen on screen for the last time in The 11th Hour: Paint was peeling badly, the tinting coat on the lens had chipped and flaked, the spacer block on the top of the slider channel was missing and the head was dented and scratched to hell. The head had also been reworked significantly and had lost a lot of sharpness to the lines since it was obvious that the struts had been machined down to remove the gouges and scratches that were on it. In order to preserve some definition and to compensate for the loss of strut height, the sides of the struts were reprofiled in order lift them from the head surface slightly. This has given them a slight 'V' profile. The front of the sonic had also gained a screw just below the slider channel, in all probability to straighten up the slide action since that was wonky and had a tendency to catch when the path of the slider deviated from straight. The biggest revelation was however, the paint. The original off-white crackle had been caked over in a grey/blue wash that had reacted badly with the original crackle and left it bubbled and pitted where the bubbles burst aerating the original finish. Have a look for yourself here:

Having armed myself with detailed dimensions of the Tennant sonic I'm now creating an updated 'Ultimate Edition' that will feature sound, dimensions taken directly from the filming prop, microswitch activation and where possible, threaded contruction. It will be machined from aluminium and brass with an acrylic bulb and painted in the same stuff used on-screen that I've been using for some private custom repaints the last year or so. The main variant will be the Tennant off-white version without the blue wash and the front screw but I will also be making a handful of 11th Hour versions too. Look out for pre-ordering in the next couple of weeks.

Secrets of the Aztec

My word, hasn't time flown since my last entry? The summer sun has packed its bags and fucked off south for the winter and SDCC is all but a distant memory. I'm sorry I've left it so long to update this blog but to be honest, I've had so much to do what with developing new products and my day job, something had to give and blogging was one of the things that has fallen by the wayside in favour of more prosaic pursuits such as family, job and finishing some of the products I've been promising you all. Truth be known, blogging is something I thoroughly enjoy but I'll only do it if I have something worthwhile to say. And boy, do I have something to say....

Some of you will have seen the new entries I have put on my site regarding three new sonics. You will note that the Matt Smith sonic isn't on there...yet. There is a perfectly good reason for this and it is something I have alluded to for some time. The design is flawed. Seriously flawed. Fatally flawed I would go so far to say. Getting a 100% accurate replica is not a massive issue. I have pretty much got that licked. The problem is that the prop breaks too damn easily. Flicking it open a few times is enough to generate enough shearing force to snap the internal metal guide tube and fracture the acrylic. Unless I sell it with a full time prop wrangler and ample spare parts, this is not a usable replica  and if it isn't, where's the fun? The other reason is it's not good PR to have 99%+ of your sales return, kaput, within a few days of delivery. No sir, I don't like it! So, I am redesigning it internally with the aim of engineering out this fatal flaw and as soon as it is done, you will get it. It will happen but just not this year. I see early next as the date when I finally get this thing out.

In the interim, we have 2 and a half new sonics to satisfy the sonic fix you may be craving. Today I'm going to talk about the first of these: The hero sonic used by Eccleston in Season 1 and on and off by Tennant until the Season 3 refit, 'The Aztec'.

Little is really known about the Aztec and there has been a lot of myth that surrounds the original Season 1 prop. I had the pleasure of measuring one of the Season 1 props: the 'wide slider' version that featured the 0.25mm step below the struts but this version, although able to extend, was not really considered a 'hero' prop as such as it was quite battered and had to be held in such a way as to hide the 8mm wide slot in the body. The honour of being main 'hero' prop fell to one of two props made by a British prop house called 'Aztec'. These are interesting props for a variety of reasons and I felt that that given the amount of screen time they had, they deserved to be considered the definitive Season 1 sonic. Some interesting facts about these sonics:

1) They were made from metal: despite popular myth perpetuating the fact they were made from resin, very few of the props with the exception of the 'burnt' sonics were. They were CNC machined out of aluminium and were built to a high standard. Such was the quality of these props that the heads were salvaged and used on subsequent refits including Tennant's sonic.

2) The paint was Plastikote Crackle Touch Colony Cream: Yes, you heard it correctly. This was something that I posted earlier this year but Plastikote Colony Cream crackle was the correct paint used on this sonic. Don't believe me? Check these pics out:

3) The prop was non-static: There is a misconception that the Aztec props were static which from the pics above, you can see is not true. The reason behind this commonly held notion is quite interesting. The Aztec sonics, whilst able to extend, did not extend in quite the same way as the other props as can be evidenced by the lack of a slider slot. You actually had to pull the head out by hand. Now here's where it get interesting. The head/battery tube assembly was never fixed inside the body and was joined to the fixed button on the side by the connecting wire and theoretically could be pulled straight out, hence the probable origin of this prop's mythical fragility. It was never designed to be a working slider prop but merely a prop that could be fixed at whatever point of extension the shot demanded at the time. This was achieved via a screw on the reverse that served to not only hold the upper collar in place, but also fixed the degree of extension that was required. A good shot of this screw can be seen here:

In order to create a working version of this prop, I've therefore had to compromise slightly and redesigned the prop to incorporate a working slider function by way of a slider slot. In time there will be a non-slider version, but that will be for my universal remote control version.

I'm only going to be producing a few dozen of these at most so if you want one, get in quick as I won't be making any more. I'm finishing the prototyping in the next week or two so as soon as pics go up, the order book will open. It will be highly doubtful they will be ready this side of Xmas but if you order, you'll get a gift certificate or something that will guarantee your sonic (I'm still working out how to do this, but don't worry, I'll figure it out soon).

Sorry this is so brief, but I promise the next blog will be a few hours away as I don't intend to leave it so long next time!

Hello my scrumptious little beauty!

After the unpleasantness of the past few days I feel that a little change of pace is called for. What better antidote for the nasty aftertaste of a licensee's bullshit than a refreshing little preview of good things to come?

Those of you that follow my tweets on Twitter will know that I happened to enjoy this season's story 'The Doctor's Wife' immensely. Written by the brilliant scribe Neil Gaiman, I even went so far as to say it was probably my favourite Nu-Who moment meshing a cracking story with new and classic elements in a respectful melange of Doctor Who deliciousness. If this story was a meal, then it was roasted hog cheeks served in a sourdough boule.

Amongst the highlights of this wonderful yarn (and there were many) was the reappearance of the Timelord Emergency Messaging Cube first seen in the 1966 Story 'The War Games'. Now reinvented for the 21st century with a flashy new updated design, this is a prop that immediately captured my imagination and set my mind buzzing with the possibilities of creating something that aped the onscreen design not just in aesthetic sensibility, but also in function.

Allow me to therefore present The Celestial Toystore's Timelord Emergency Messaging Cube:

Nice isn't it? It's made from custom milled plexiglas, glass, and white styrene with custom electronics. There is a 10 second voice record function and motion activated light and sound playback. Invert to turn off, turn it over again to turn it back on. Playback causes to the light to flicker but I want to remove that function because it does not behave like that on screen. When still, the cube gently pulsates. Power lasts for up to 1 week on one set of batteries and the unit is invisibly sealed with access to the inner cube only required to re-record the message or change batteries.

Pricing is currently still being worked out as plexiglas this thick is not cheap so much 'negotiation' with my bastard materials suppliers is currently taking place. I aim to bring this item in at a price of around £120-£130 excluding shipping with order book opening in the next month or so.

Fear does not exist in this dojo....No sensei!

It's been an interesting few hours. I'm going to try hard not to take too much pleasure from this as I hate being subjected to grovelling from a grown man. It appears that 2000 years of Chinese military thinking has been brought down full force on the ego of a little man who decided it may be a good idea to stick his penis into the gloryhole of the RPF with little idea that a Chinaman with a George Foreman grill was waiting for him on the other side. Going from not wanting to talk about CT or anyone even mentioning CT, he can't stop talking about me! Gee, I'm flattered. This has obviously got to Michael Bauers since he erased the QMx sonic thread a few hours ago and has now reinstated it with Kenney's responses removed. But he persists...everyone likes a tryer, me included, but show a bit of dignity for fuck's sake. I didn't expect it to this easy. Even MFX put up more of a fight. I'm not going to waffle on as I'll let the master do that. Here's the latest straight from the desk of Kenney Palkow (My response in RED):

"CT.... I replied to the above but the postings were all deleted. So, I will resound here one last time before it gets deleted again. I tried to post on your blog using one of the accounts needed and it will not post or preview.

There's always email through my site.

You're very set on the notion that I was talking about you. I want to again say that I was not talking about you! I didn't even know who you were or anything about you. The entire reason for me getting involved with any discussion was to set some people and some facts straight about the QMx sonics that I would be making. when I was talking about how some companies will say anything to make the sale... that was intended for someone else and they know who they are. It had nothing to do with you.... why would it? At that time, I was under the impression that you never saw the originals and even stated that on your site as well as that your sonics are not accurate. So why would I crack on you about accuracy. It wasn't until after you mentioned to me that you did see the originals and then provided a link to that post stating so. That's the truth. I apologized for the "China" comment a couple of times already even though it was misread. I looked at my post with that in it and realized how that could be mistaken and I apologized. As for apologizing for anything else? I will not because it wasn't directed at you. You keep saying that there was no one else producing the sonics so it must have been you. Gee, you are a long winded, boring fellow aren't you? You insulted me, you refered to me, it was me you were talking about. You have more reverse gears than an Italian tank! I have had many, many private letters of support where your comments were construed as being a direct attack on me even though you never refered to me by name. You don't need to. If I said 'A balding, self aggrandizing, knife wielding deadhead bore from Pennsylvania', I don't need to refer to your name for people to know who I'm talking about. Apology accepted regarding the chinese comments. I'll tell the lads to put away their nunchucks. They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. You are proof of this. You are in no position to dictate absolute facts in regards to this prop because, you don't know it all. I don't know it all but what I do know has been gained through hard work, questioning, and huge amounts of subterfuge. That you cannot accept that is an underestimation on your part of my abilities .

Why do you insist that it must be you? There have been many sonics.... fan made and those made by replica prop companies. All made over the years. I was talking about all of the ones I saw. There has only ever been two high end 'replicas' of the Tennant sonic over the years: mine and the MFX. I am still in business. The others are toys and novelty pocket fillers.

I also made a general reference to props I made were people insisted they had access to when the props never left my control. So, none of this involves you. I could easily lie for you just so I could get you to remove all the posts but I won't. It wasn't about you. In the context of the thread and the immediate prior discussions, everyone knows you were talking about me.

 When I got involved in any discussion, it was about a couple specific misrepresented facts which had nothing to do with you. I did even read that many posts there and had no clue who you were. I asked the everyone calm down and keep it about the QMx props. I stated that the props that I make should be compared to the originals and nit a replica against another replica. I don't think that would being fair to anyone. And why would you compare a replica to another replica for accuracy instead of against the original? Indeed, originals I have also had access to. You want to compare against originals, go ahead. I don't think you will because you replica has a 0.5-1mm error in the head. And no, it is not photographic distortion. One of my crew measured it on the sly at SDCC.

This whole thing has been blown way out of proportion. You are asking for the truth and I gave it to you. You want me to confirm details you say are on the originals to calm people down about doubting whether you had the prop. I would be willing to take your listing of details.... look over my pics of the originals and state whether indeed you had access to reference materials to the originals. I con not say publically that you had control over the at any time (i think somewhere i read you or someone else stated you had all 4 11th sonics and took all of them apart) because to be honest.... I can't see the BBC sending you all 4 heros, to China, to an non licensed individual to examine. I know that would never happen. If you had a license, you would get one sonic. But even then.... I doubt it would leave there control. I had to fly to the UK to see these. So, how can you ask me to confirm that you had all 4 11th heros to tear apart? How? I can't confirm that. I can make contact with the BBC to confirm it if that happened. You made a statement that if I added any type of medium to the props to laser scan, it would stick to all the grease packed into the 11ths. There was no grease at all in any of the 11ths or even the 10th. They were all dry. But, I did add medium to the individual parts and I dud laser scan them quite well. Keep in mind that the scans were in case I didn't gave enough time with the props. It turns out I did and I ended up with three sketch pads full of dimensions taken with micrometers and a caliper. I also had radius and chamfer gauges with me as well. So, getting back to whether you had access. I can certainly look at all your listings of details and confirm or deny your claims as to knowing about the props at a certain level of detail but I can't say you had them. If you have pics of all 4 apart and you standing there... then I could confirm such a claim if the props are the real deal. Anyone can make claims they had the props but using pics.... pics anyone could have given you while they were in the UK. I already know of at least one individual that could have sent all of his pics to you. My point is that there is no way for me to confirm you had the actual props to tear apart.... how can anyone be asked to do that. If you say you had them.... then I can't say you didn't and I don't care if you did..... it has nothing to do with me or the props I'm building.

Soooooo, you still don't believe me? I'm not asking you to say anything more that confirm the details I've posted. That is enough. I can assure you I most definitely had these in my hands. Hell, I could have even taken a picture of the prop in between the wife's tits for all you know. Will I post them? Fuck off. However, I don't lie.  Do you think the BBC would honestly confirm they handed me a bunch of hero props? Honestly?! I got them through unofficial channels, right under their noses. Do you think anyone would happily admit to that? Trust me, it was easier than you think. Laughably so, in fact. It's not what you know, it's who you know. Luckily I have connections you can only dream about.You are in a quandary aren't you? Confirm my details and it will show that I have had, at the very least seen the props up close and at worst, will show that there is a leak big enough to drive a tank through at the BBC. Either way, it will be bad news for someone. As for the grease in the props....just ask Nick. Maybe they knew you were coming and decided to specially tart them up for you. Did they smell of Old Spice too when you examined them? They did when I handled them. They really shoudn't have gone to the effort. Tell you what. Let post a pic at the end of this email...of a prop partially dismantled on my desk at the same time I measured the 11th and 10th props. It doesn't matter what you say to be honest Kenney. I think everyone here knows I'm right because come what may, my replicas will have a direct lineage to the original props and that is what counts.

Why can't we end this entire bashing party and start a fresh discussion? I'm asking you to please remove all postings of me and to remove/stop any further tweets. Were not talking about a simple bashing over replica props CT. What you're doing has a negative effect and damaging to my career. That's a little overboard... don't you think? So, please remove all the stuff and I will engage in open discussions with you about your details you want me to confirm you know. I agree that there is enough market for the both of us. I don't agree in the threats. There is no need to threaten that you will keep an eye on me waiting for me to **** up. First, this isn't even a fair fight. No one really knows who you are. It's not even a level playing field for me to engage you and I won't try. Let's just end it and move forward. Again, I'm asking that you please remove all material related to me and we start fresh. If you can honorably remove that material, I will respectfully engage your requests and confirm your details of the sonics. "

No Kenney, my deal stands. I am sick of this backwards and forwards arguing the fucking toss. This will be my last offer. Accept it and we're done. I'm not discussing with you anymore as frankly, I have better things to do. I am not going to cave in to your wishes just so you can save whatever face you have left. You picked this fight, you stared this and no amount of backpedalling can retcon the facts as they stand. Suck it up, get off your knees, stop snivelling and take this like a man. The little PR exercise has backfired spectacularly for you, you've risen to my baiting and I have played you like a Stradivarius. I'd just accept it, go back to my workshop and produce the finest replica I can. In that regard I wish you all the best. Enjoy painting those sonics!

And for the rest of you........

And just to remove all doubt....look at this ruler that is sitting here on my desk....

More trash talk - Trash talk Part 2

I really don't know how to begin this second half of my rant. All I can say is that I am mildly irritated by certain things said in some quarters that are frankly, misinformed and inaccurate. Notwithstanding the things being said, the way in which they have been said  displays a weakness of character in the person saying these things that compells me to respond with the characteristic directness that I pride myself in.

So what in the Dickens am I on about? Two days ago, the man tasked with making QMx's vaporware sonics, revealed himself to the world, a move undoubtedly forced upon Andy Gore by the tidal wave of negativity that followed yet another grand unveiling at SDCC of yet more 'prototypes' and nothing else. In certain circles, it's called prickteasing, in others it's just called bullshit.

The brave soul that inherited this poisoned chalice is a man called Kenney Palkow. Instead of me introducing him, let me just cut and paste his own introduction:

"Greetings.....

OK, I think its about time to clear the air and "keep it real". For those of you that already know who I am... bear with me while I introduce myself. I am an industry special effects, weapons, and prop maker. I primarily work on hero props. Some of my recent stuff includes.... Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome, Warehouse 13, Fringe, Mission Impossible 4, The A-Team, Underworld: New Dawn, Stephen Spielberg's Locke and Key, etc. Ok... so.... that should give you an idea of who I am in the industry and hopefully earn credibility that what I'm going to say is just "keeping it real" and not embellishing or blatant BS.

There has been so much talk about the Sonics and who did this, who did that or "no"... it was done this way, or "no"... you're wrong... it was done that way. lol Everything I'm going to say about the QMx sonics is what it is... nothing more and nothing less.




1. First, I was commissioned by QMx to build the sonics for them.

2. I persuaded QMx to bring me to the Dr. Who set in the UK to examine props that they would like to release. I told them that they could not get the dimensions I needed through pictures alone. I told them I would bring my equipment with.... laser scanner, all kinds of engineering tools, etc and I could create perfect CAD models off the actual "Screen used Props". They agreed and I went with.

3. I spent countless hours reverse engineering the 10th and 11th sonics on set and in my hotel room. I never really got to see much of the UK. Instead, I was working til 3:30am or even all night long to get everything I could. I kept all details... imperfect as well... in my CAD. If I built a sonic right now.... no one would be able to tell mine apart from the original screen used props... period!

4. I know what the 10th and 11th sonics look like inside and out. I was given all 4 hero 11th sonics and the 10th to examine.

5. All 4 11th sonics had slight differences to them. One was a little longer... one part was slightly different than the next one. One had a detail different than another. If you placed all right next to each other, they look pretty identical but once in your hands... you saw the differences. I did a laser scan and CAD on EVERY SINGLE PART... inside and out of all the parts that made up all the 4 different 11th sonics. I took well over 300 photos of the hero screen used sonics alone.

6. Mission accomplished but I wasn't happy enough. I came up with the idea and asked Nick (prop maker who worked on the show for 6 years I believe... correct me if Im wrong on that Nick) if he would build clean versions of all the sonics from the show that QMx would want to release. He said yes. I then told Andy why I thought it would be a good idea. I told him that my CADs were perfect but had all different dimensions from all the differences between the 4 11th sonics etc. I told him that if Nick made the clean versions (try and make the sonics without all the "deadline rush" machining out of it, I would then be able to pic the parts in my CAD to match what Nick made and that would satisfy my OCD as to which of the parts of the 4 11th sonics I would use. Hopefully everyone is still following me and should give everyone an idea of how much "attention to detail" means to me. Andy thought that was a great idea and made it happen. Nick's sonics would also be used to promote the QMx sonics as true and accurate... basically we could show pics of Nick's sonics up against mine. When everyone sees no differences, everyone would be happy and put a lot of questions and concersn to rest.

7. Back at my studio, I went through my documention, photos, and CAD and got everything ready to start machining the prototypes for QMx.


8. I was in communication with Nick about various details as well as trying to find large material sources... like the material used for the crackle effect for the 10th sonic.


9. During my communication with Nick, he asked me to machine up the complex parts of the 10th. Yes.... some of those parts can not be machined up properly without the use of cnc. I had asked Nick if he had kept any of his drawings or dimensions on the 10th. He had said that the original screen used 10th sonic was machined up by a company called Aztec. This was the first time I ever heard this name. That's why I machined up the complex parts of the 10th sonic... my CAD was dead on to the screen used one and everone who would purchased one would be happy knowing that. So, I machined up 2 sets and shipped them off to Nick at the last minute so he could assemble and paint it for Comic Con. Sorry Nick that it was last minute.... . So, the 10th sonic, was a joint team effort between Nick and I to give you guys the best and the dead on accurate details everyone wants. You asked for it... you got it.


10. When I was on set, the studio was extremely professional and extremely protective of these sonics. Being an industry professional, I was able to gain enough trust with them to allow me to do what I needed to do to get the details off these sonics for all of you. And for that, I truly send a heart warm "thank you" to all those involved... from the prop master on up. This level of detail could not have been accomplished without your trust.

11. So, when I build these sonics for QMx... they will be made with my CAD I did of every part of the screen used 10th and 11th sonics. As for the other sonics (not the 10th and 11th), I will be reverse engineering Nick's work (Nick does not use CNC and does not have CAD models). He uses manual equipment and this would not be good when you have to machine several hundred or even thousands of parts for a run of sonics. I will be leaving all of Nick's details intact. Example: I made the Tesla guns for season 3 of Warehouse 13. The Tesla's frame needed to look as if it was hand cut with a hacksaw. Well, for the run of QMx Tesla guns, I left those hacksaw tooling marks in the parts when I programmed the laser to cut them out. That's the level of detail you'll be getting.

12. This is Important. I have seen some of the sonics out there and I have not come across one with all the details as the screen used ones I saw on set. I will not direct or point the finger at anyone specific.... I just don't want to get involved with those fights.... lol. What I want to say is that I have seen people try and replicate my work and state they had access to the prop and its 100 percent dead on. Yet, with all those incidents, none of them had access and none of them were dead on accurate. So... why would they say this? To make the sale. Plain and simple. In the end.... I ask everyone to STOP.... TAKE A DEEP BREATH.... AND RELAX. We're all brothers on this tiny ball floating around in space. lol Just know this... I took every step to give you the most accurate props. I mean.... Nick is now involved with all this. Everything else doesn't matter, everything else that anyone made up until this point has nothing to do with the QMx sonics except what's in this post and the sonics will be exact and that is something I stand behind saying.

OK then.... man I'm tired now. LOL Hopefully this answers a lot of questions for you guys and puts a lot of it to rest. For those of you who are Dr. Who fans and will be purchasing one of these sonics.... you will be getting the most accurate collectable built exactly like the heros. You can't even call them replicas.... you're getting hero made props... the same ones on screen. You won't tell the difference.

Kenney "

This was an introduction full of thinly disguised swagger, promising the impossible backed up with an arrogant attitude that would clearly  be absent were it not for the backup of QMx. Like an obnoxious oik who will only pick a fight when he has his friends around him. Let's cherry pick some of his puffery shall we?:

 

"If I built a sonic right now.... no one would be able to tell mine apart from the original screen used props... period!"

 

Bullshit. I could tell as could a myriad others. Very easily. Don't make stupid and impossible claims you cannot possibly delivery on...period!

 

"we could show pics of Nick's sonics up against mine. When everyone sees no differences, everyone would be happy and put a lot of questions and concersn to rest."

"the sonics will be exact and that is something I stand behind saying."

"I took every step to give you the most accurate props"

Again, unless you are damn sure of your skill, don't make these claims because the moment anyone can see differences, someone will look like a tit. Right?

Ok, so I read the rest of what he has to say, do my makes on this guy and find out he's the guy making the Tesla guns for QMx as well as other bits and pieces. This makes me raise an eyebrow. So this is the guy making a piece-of-piss static gun prop with a few vacuum tubes and brass piping, selling it for $1200 and is still barely turning a profit?! Things are looking up. I could bang those things out for less than $300 retail all day every day! The odds of QMx ever turning these things out has just lengthened considerably in my book.

 

However something then made my blood boil. This:

 

"I have seen some of the sonics out there and I have not come across one with all the details as the screen used ones I saw on set. I will not direct or point the finger at anyone specific.... I just don't want to get involved with those fights.... lol. What I want to say is that I have seen people try and replicate my work and state they had access to the prop and its 100 percent dead on. Yet, with all those incidents, none of them had access and none of them were dead on accurate. So... why would they say this? To make the sale. Plain and simple. In the end.... I ask everyone to STOP.... TAKE A DEEP BREATH.... AND RELAX. We're all brothers on this tiny ball floating around in space. lol "

 

With that single paragraph this guy turns from being a mildly irritating oik to a full blown cunt. I am fully aware of every single detail on those sonics, probably more so than even you are aware of, you dumb fucking hack. Howver, I am am not going to sit down and engineer in every fucking scratch, dent, hamfisted reshape of the head, just because it exists on a rather battered prop that you measured after it has been retired. Sure, I am aware of the front v shape profile of the ridges (because they were reshaped during the season 2 refurb because the head was pretty battered with dents and scratches that needed to be polished out of it which reduced the outer circumference so the ridges needed 'lifting'), always have been. I am aware of the various screws holding each component together and the angles involved. However, conscious choices were made to keep certain things in and leave certain things out for aesthetic and common sense reasons. I examined the same props and actually got in there way before he did. For him to accuse me of lying to make the sale? What a total cunt. In part 1 of Trash Talk I laid down a challenge to him. I described in fine detail the location, size and shape of scratches, dents and other features that I could not possibly know unless I have examined and photographed the props. If I am talking shit, call me out on it, I dare you, muthafucker. His is adopting this pathetic passive aggressive 'I don't want to pick a fight' stance but by insulting my integrity he already has and in that regard I will remember this and when he fucks up, which he already has, I shall be waiting to publically rub his face in it.

But it gets worse.....in another post he goes on to state:

"when you get something from China... it's not going to be the level of detail, heart, and sweat as what you get when it's made by one of us from the industry"

That is the biggest pile of crock I have every heard. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU? You don't want to pick a fight?! Great job, you cocksucking little faggot. I have you know I put blood, sweat and guts into all my replica. Over the past three years I have bent over backwards to bring the finest sonics to market. They are handbuilt with an attention to detail that will make a talentless fuck like you, wince. My mark 2 Tennant sonic is already being readied for the next run, and it has dimensions taken for the same prop you examined so it will be as perfect as I can make it. However, if by some miracle, QMx does get their's out, I have a good mind to saturate the entire market with $150 cnc'ed, with sound, versions of yours just to fuck you up and I will feel great doing it and I won't even care that I will not be making any money as the satisfaction of seeing your fat faces when you shit yourself when you realise you will be sitting on several hundred $2000 sonics that you can't shift is more than payment enough. QMx could well follow MFX into oblivion.

So Kenney's made some bold claims. He's given it the double XXL. But one thing nags at me that betrays the fact that he's nowhere near as good as he thinks he is.

If he has taken laser scans of the sonics (I find this weird as you cannot really cannot take laser scans of reflective metal surfaces without coating them in talc first, and I don't see the Beeb allowing that, do you?), detailed measurements and photos....

WHY THE FUCK DOES HE NEED ROBATTO'S REFERENCE PIECES??????

His reasoning does not gel. Each one of the 11th sonics is unique and the most unique parts are the copper and aluminium strips that make up the upper and lower cage sections. Each one is hand fitted and trimmed, taped and then riveted. They then need to be adjusted. None of them are 1:1 interchangeable with another. It would be a simple case of averaging all the necessary dims to give a tidy prop with interchangeable parts. Even simpler, choose the best looking prop and copy that! What a fucking numbnut....

I never took laser scans, but I have enough data here to produce a perfectly tidy, symmetrical 1:1 replica which is what I am working on right now.

I suspect Kenney fucked up. I don't think he took scans or his scans ended up inaccurate for various reasons and he is having trouble getting the cages to fit. Am I right? I know I am. The way the prop is, you cannot just straightforward copy it. The hand coaxing and trimming and notching means that what is measured is not what came fresh off Robatto's mill.

So what about the 10th? He claims he wants to make a perfect 1:1 replica indistiguishable from the prop. I don't think he quite succeeded with this:

It's a lovely prop and is actually a lot better and more accurate than my current version. There are many things perfect with it including the black bulb shape and the body, However there are also several things seriously flawed with it. I am not going to point out what these are as quite honestly, why should I do their job for them, but there are two major issues with the head and Robatto fucked up with the paint (he did tweet about it about 10 days ago) which meant the crackle was too small. Fine for the Eccleston Aztec sonic, not so fine for the Tennant sonic. I know precisely what he did, and that was he laid on too thick an undercoat and too thin a top coat. Nice to see the flush, filled in activation strip but technically that was never on this sonic and was only ever on the Eccleston ones.

So much for the boasts then....it is what it is: a nice, tidied hybrid sonic but hardly one that you cannot tell apart from the prop and certainly not the perfection he promised. Some of this has already been pointed out to Kenney who swears blind that it is identical when compared to his reference pics. Sorry, but I've already done comparisions using my own pics  and there are issues. Feel free to post them though, should be interesting to see. I notice that Kenney hasn't machined in the wonky bevels and the assymmetry. I really does hope he posts these pics as then my proof can be checked against the scratches and dents in the prop. You will also all see how shit the prop actually is and that a perfect recreation would be madness.

So what do I think will happen with these sonics? I maintain that they will never see the light of day.

The R&D can take up to a year per sonic, especially if you have a busy schedule like I have and by the sounds of it, Kenney Palkow has too. He only makes for QMx in his spare time between movies. He's also working on QMx's other stuff.

The Matt Smith sonic is completely at odds with mass manufacture, even CNC, as each one needs hand assembly, fitting and substantial internal redesign. I already have that sussed. It contain nearly 50 parts, all scratch made. Using the infinitely simpler Tesla gun they charged $1200 which was cheaper than the final costings dictated. If this thing ever does come to market, which I doubt, you are looking at nearly $2000.

 The 10th sonic, which according to Kenney is harder to machine (trust me, it isn't), needs to be hand painted which takes a lot of man hours (trust me, I have dicked around with this stuff probably more than any man on earth. What I do not know about crackle paint can be written on the back of a hobbit's posing pouch)

The message they give is utterly contradictory. On one hand they say they want to produce replicas indistinguishable from the props. Yet they show sanitised and idealised prototypes which are totally different from the props they are supposed to ape. You can't have it both ways. Pick one route and stick to it with conviction. if you want to produce screen accurate replicas, you must do it, warts too.

In any sensible person's view, QMx have a flawed business model that relies too much on cheap shite or very expensive stuff they farm out to people who end up stiffing them on price because they can. How about producing good stuff at a fair price? If you can't then I will and I'll still be standing at the end of days becuase I'm a tough passionate bastard and tough passionate bastards survive. Believe it.