Nazis. I hate these guys...

Just a quick interlude before I post my thoughts on the QMx sonic 'prototypes' being shown off at ComicCon I thought I would share another hilarious online posting from our favourite idiot Daniel 'Risu' Pawlik. I just don't know if this guy is deliberately being funny or not. He's car-crash entertainment of the David Brent variety. Anyway, he wrote here:

http://www.therpf.com/f9/qmx-sonic-screwdriver-thread-92189/index12.html#post1776398

"When I first got into this hobby, the people who were perfectionists and demanded 100% accuracy were referred to as SA Nazis. The qualifier being that they wanted their stuff to look exactly like what was seen on screen. Now we have a whole new breed of Nazis."

I can understand this sentiment wholeheartedly but Danny-boy, you have to take a certain degree of personal responsibility for this situation. I have often felt the overwhelming urge to put you in an oven myself so you really have only yourself to blame.

Say hello to my little friends

It's official. As of 9.00am yesterday morning I have become a fully paid up purveyor of crack. Before the more delicate of sensibility amongst you start tut-tutting away at CT's apparent deviant diversification into the world of illegal recreational stimulants, I should quickly stress that the crack I am refering to is totally legal but like its illicit namesake, it is no less debilitating on body and soul.

As regular followers of my rather rambling and often disjointed belles-lettres here in cyberspace will know, I have had a bit of a Elmer Fudd/Bugs Bunny saga the past 6 months. The object of my pursuits has been the industrial crackle that I announced last October. Since that moment it has been, to be frank, a fucking millstone around my neck. The sheer number of occasions I have regretted this utterly moronic decision on my part in the past six months has swelled the family swear box and spurred in me a renewed resolve for keeping my big mouth shut in future. The reason for this new found emnity towards a paint coating is that this has not been the simplest of things to development and even less simple to apply. If you've followed my updates, you will have seen the buckets of failures, the pics of me at stupid-o'-clock in a freezing paint shop in the depths of winter spraying these fucking things, continually cursing-to-damnation the sheer futility of trying to standardise a bastard 10 layer/20 process paint coating all in the name of bloody-minded oneupsmanship. However, like with all endeavours where impossibility sneers at you from the other side of the abyss, sheer stubborness, luck and a bit of lateral thinking eventually paid dividends and the result is this....

Pretty lovely looking aren't they? These are pretty much as good as they will get. The paint coating is as hard as nails. It's a totally custom paint, developed by me and a coatings chemist which replicates the hardness and durability of real ceramic. It is also the true colour of the prop for most of its life. Forget the whole 'Heritage Gold'/'Colony Cream' debate from last year when I spanked Neill Gorton's botty and sent him running back to Auntie (who promptly took away his licence), the props were (with the exception of the Aztec which really, genuinely and unequivocably was 'Colony Cream') this shade of 'just off' white with any change in colour caused by a mixture of dirt and yellowing of the clearcoat.

Just how tough is this bastard? Here's what I had to do to even chip it:

That small amount of damage was made using a chisel. That's how tough this stuff is. Now I do not advise you to go around smacking your spanking new limited edition sonics with a chisel. Well, you can as it's your's, but don't come bawling to me as I will laugh at you. You'll just have to take my word for it.

So, how do you get your mitts on one of these beauties? Go to my webstore and fill your boots. But get a shift on. I am only making 20 of each model and most have been pre-sold last year. As of the time of writing, the Tennant ones are practically gone with only a handful left but a larger number of Eccleston versions are still kicking around (where's the love for Eccles????).

Thank you to those that pre-ordered last year, you'll be getting your's shortly in the post.

I am assembling them this week and they will be going out this weekend in the order they were ordered. I can only assemble and test 3-4 per day so please be patient, you'll get them and they will be glorious.

In the meantime, here's some extra pics that didn't make the site.

Think about the future

Remember in Batman when The Joker tells Eckhart "Think about the future". Lately I've had quite a few people asking me about this very same thing. In a manner of speaking.

I've been obliquely evasive in my replies and there has been a perfectly good reason for that. You see, the future [sonic] figures quite prominently in the future of The Celestial Toystore. For the past year or so, I've been gathering data and reference material about this sonic and I've been secretly working on it as it's not an easy one to tackle. Before I commit to a project I want to make pretty damned sure I can replicate the original faithfully and without compromise. Lately the final pieces of the jigsaw have fallen into place and I've sourced the last few missing components, some of which I've been teasing you with on Twitter. Now, I'm ready to reveal the mother of all teasers: the picture above, which is a resin version of my prototype. I'm not ready to reveal that just yet, but suffice to say, I think I've done a fairly good job in replicating the original prop. It's accurate to a certain point and I've still got some alterations to make to the prototype but so far I'm happy with it. If there is anything glaringly wrong, I'd love to hear about it.

Enjoy!

Plastikote Revisited

This evening I was going through my backups and found a cache of images that one of my customers, AJ, sent me a while ago. Amongst them was this image:

This is an image that some of you will know quite well as it's the concept art for the burnt sonic from back in 2006 and was posted on the BBC site.

So what? I hear you all ask. Usually concept art holds no real interest for me except as a passing curiosity that shows what a prop was originally envisioned to look like.

However, closer inspection reveals something quite extraordinary. Far from being a Photoshop generated piece, this is actual fact a photograph of the Aztec sonic that McKinstry has painted over. In particular, the body has been altered very minimally and shows the precise paint finish of the Aztec sonic and the fact that far from being a resin construct as previously thought, it was tooled from metal.

Let's take a look at the full resolution:

Notice the paint. It's Plastikote Colony Cream!

On that bombshell I'll say goodnight.

Goodnight!

Epic Fail

Last year I had dinner in a lovely little Greek restaurant called Elia not far from here in Shanghai. It was a memorable repast, resplendent in the authentic flavours of the mediterranean, a little slice of Greece slap bang in the middle of the Orient. Having gorged on dolmades, marinated lamb chargrilled to perfection, kofte and the best moussaka this side of Athens, my companions and I were presented with a complimentary selection of sweetmeats to round off our meal. Amongst them was some rather delightful chunks of Turkish delight, that reknowned and rather delicious gelatinous confection flavoured with rosewater. I voiced my appreciation of this: "Ahhhhh.....Turkish delight, wonderful!" Popping a sweet, lightly dusted cube into my mouth and allowing the wonderful aromas of rose and spice infuse my senses foxtrotting with the texture of the pistachio nut liberally sprinkled throughout. No sooner than the first morsel been savoured than my Bacchanalian reverie was interrupted by a sharp cuff across the back of my head from Christos, the owner of the establishment, who rather pointedly corrected me on my terminology. "It's not Turkish delight, it's a Greek delight!" he proudly proclaimed, looking at me with a mixture of disgust and astonishment that I could get something so elementary, so very, very wrong.

Which brings me onto the current subject of this blog. You see, just like Christos gave me a smack, I would rather like to do the same to Daniel 'Risu' Pawlik. The reason for this will be apparent.

Ever since David Tennant was unveiled to the world as our favourite Timelord, the cosplay brigade have been searching for their holy Grail: a screen accurate version of Tennant's costume. The search for this has been of varying levels of success none more so than in trying to track down the fabrics used for Tennant's suits. It was thought that the professional wanker Steven 'Pumpkiny' Ricks, has come closest and even managed to track down a pair of the near mythical Gap trouser from whence the brown Tennant suit was fabricated. He even managed to find the undyed fabric used for the blue suit. From these, Daniel 'Risu' Pawlik and that hack Tony 'Indy' Magnoli have rewoven the fabrics to feed the insatiable appetites of the cosplay crowd.

So what's the problem? Well, for a long time I've questioned Risu's ability to use his eyes and I still maintain that I think he's secretly blind, rather like Richard Pryor's character in Hear no Evil, See No Evil, who is in constant denial and likes to give the impression that his eyeballs are fully functional when in reality he's got all the visual acuity of a FIFA referee. From having a suspicion, I have recently come to the conclusion that his optic nerves really are as useful as Gary Moore's guitar.

The reason I say this is that even with all the reference material in the world, samples of the fabric and the guidance of legions of cosplayers, he has still managed to totally fuck it up. A while ago, I gave the analogy of missing an elephant at point blank with a cannon. This is what is like. Have a look at what I mean:

Here's the blue fabric:

Ok, weight is correct, weave is correct. But the finish, the stripe spacing and most importantly, the colour is totally off. The stripe spacing matches the original undyed fabric but when dyeing, the fabric shrinks, giving a narrower stripe spacing. This can be seen on the original fabric below, which incidentally, is substantially darker than Risu's recreation.

Which brings me onto the brown Gap fabric:

Again, weave and weight are correct. Colour is slightly off, but the difference is minimal. However, look at the stripes. Know what I mean?

It really irks me when twats like Risu continually make statements like 'this is 100% screen accurate' when it patently isn't.  What is worse is when they have every opportunity to make it screen accurate yet through incompetence or just sheer laziness, they fuck it up royally as in this situation.

I swore I would never use this phrase but more than anything it sums up the sheer magnitude of this cock-up better than any colourful idiom I can come up with, and that's:

EPIC FAIL

As an addendum, I have been asked why the original fabric has a sheen on it that the reweave doesn't. The answer is NOT, as that talentless tool Steven Ricks thinks, down to the dyeing. It's actually because the yarn used on the original fabric is a mercerized long staple cotton.

Industrial crackle update

Wow, another year gone. My, doesn't time fly? I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I haven't had much time off as our 'Xmas' isn't for another two and a half weeks or so. In many ways I miss living in the west and having the old 'traditional' Xmas with overcooked turkey, familial fisticuffs, stupid jumpers and badly knitted socks from Aunt Maud. Can't say I miss the sprouts though....

My only regret was not being able to lay my hands on Heston Blumenthal's legendary candied orange Christmas pudding but fuck it, I'm sure some enterprising sort will have saved a piece and will eventually whack it onto Ebay with the obligatory 100% markup and will no doubt also mark it as 'used'.

Well, we have had a monstrously harsh winter here. Global warming? What fucking global warming? Bollocks. I don't even think the Australian floods were a natural disaster and more of a mass bursting into tears after losing the Ashes. Three weeks the Aussies were praying for rain and when it finally does come...But seriously, I sympathise for those that have died. Knowing that their last thought was that Australia was shit at cricket couldn't have been nice.

Speaking of weather, the snow has been the bane of my life these past few months. The reason for my lack of activity in these parts is that my family business has been drafted in to help build a high speed rail link. Actually, parts for equipment for one, as that must sound horribly self-important and not strictly accurate. With 10 feet snow drifts and Siberian frigidity, work has been tough but since here in China we are made of sterner stuff than some of you pansies, we press on. The other issue that this coldness has had is that it has been playing merry fucking hell with my paint attempts. I've had three professional paint sprayers fuck off in frustration (and the fact I threatened to nail their hands to the wall might have had something to do with it, but I like to think it was the job rather than me that caused them to bug out). This leaves muggins here to waste valuable paint on trying to manually paint these sonics, a job that really should be done by robot. It is a 20 stage process that can fuck up due to the most arbitrary of reasons. I need three straight days to go through the process and because of my other commitments, it's not something I could easily spare. The low temperatures and humidity also do not help. In many ways, transmuting lead to gold is probably easier. But this weekend, I nailed it with the help of an industrial humidifier and a heater. Here then, are the results:

Primed and coated with undercoat (this is the colour of the crackle):

After being painted with the colour coat and baked prior to sealing (note failure rate):

Rejects go into bin for solvent bath and repainting:

The final result of a perfect one prior to sealing:

The buttons and slider plates:

Me looking a bit pissed off. Get out of my workshop!!!!!

More updates soon, but get your cash ready as I hope to have these babies ready before Chinese New Year.

Sonic Screwdriver and Master's Ring - The ElvisGump Special Editions

Due to popular and persistent demand I have caved in and release two limited editions in tribute to fandom's favourite simpleton. May I present the ElvisGump edition of the sonic screwdriver:

And here's the ElvisGump edition Master's Ring:



These are in strictly limited runs of 1 and are priced at a very reasonable ten bazillion squillion dollars each.